Thursday, July 1, 2010

Kid-Free America!

During my morning perusal of all things new in the overnight, I tripped over a link titled “One thing 1 in 5 Women Will Never Do.” Well, well, well! Interest piqued!

*click*

According to the Pew Research Center we’re not having children. That’s right, apparently The Universe alongside Impolite Society are going to have to throw in the towel on catty comments and pressuring the childless. The report cites factors such as the increased effectiveness of birth control and the fact that women are delaying that little sashay down the aisle longer in order to advance their career, partake in the joie de vivre longer, or just find the right man for a change – though marital status not does not skew the numbers here. Bottom line: women are choosing not to have a posse of little snot-nosed heathen screaming for attention and breaking the Waterford.

This all made perfect sense to me and I was thrilled to see the legion growing.

Not surprisingly, and the actual point of the research, the women most likely not to have children are the most educated of our gender. Reaction: “of course! They make the most money and have better stuff”… followed by: “oh shit.”

Now before you gals with children start scroll-racing to the Comments section to compose your scathing remarks because you’ve decided I just called you stupid, let me clarify here that all women are making choices! You may chose to settle into a life of never doing anything without a minimum of 6 hours prep time, while 20% of the adult female population is now saying, “sure! I can be out the door in 15 minutes. Send a car!” This is all about a recorded change in the reproductive dynamic, so just keep reading.

Just the facts, ma’am:

Of women with a college education, the following childless-ness was determined:
Bachelor’s: 1 in 4.34 (yeah… I don’t know how they divide a woman.)
Master’s: 1 in 4
Ph.D.: 1 in 4.34
No college degree: only 1 in 15-18 does NOT have a child, depending on total education

Outside of the education issue, women of all races are beginning to take a pass on the childbearing. I was just beginning to speculate about that little tidbit...

And then!

The researchers began asking for opinions. Yippee! Nothing makes me happier than an opportunity for people to let their own unresolved issues and poor judgment influence the lives of others!

When the study participants were asked if they felt people (meaning both men and women) “lead an empty life,” if they didn’t shoot mini-mes from their loins, 39% said yes. The remaining 61% apparently laughed.

Also baffling, 41% said that children were an important part of achieving a successful marriage. Hmmm. Apparently the 1950’s are resurging. “If we just have a baby everything will be okay!” *eyeroll* Luckily this number is on the decline too, because as far as I’m concerned the only old school thinking that should be experiencing a revival is the Retrosexual Man and polite society.

All those statistics aside, we know that children whose parents completed college are more likely to follow suit. If the number of women holding a degree who also feel that Baby Gap is Mecca continues to decline, where will that leave us? I’m just thinking that this trend could mean the continued degeneration of native innovation and world domination!

Given the general “dumbing down” of our society - from spoon feeding politics to disregarding the very basics of grammar and good communication - it seems ill-advised for the women with the highest education to choose Louboutin’s over prams. Now just so we’re clear, I totally get it; I’m one women you’ll never see running behind a jog-stroller, tossing aside my very high heels for mommy-friendly flats, or forgoing a case of good wine for Gymboree registration. I do not vacation places where I might be exposed to or otherwise experience a child, when "child" is defined as anyone not old enough to buy me a martini.

So sadly, girls, if we’re not planning to leave behind what will eventually degenerate into a third-world country, I think some of ya’ll are going to have to take one for the team.

Show of hands?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Maybe in the back?

2 comments:

  1. Posted by Marti G.:
    I always said I was never having children. I meant it, too. Yeahhhh....They're now 21 and 15. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing, but I am one of those apparently "rare breed" of mothers who LOATHES seeing small children in public (small being defined as anyone younger than say...12. Maybe).

    I was never allowed to be a screeching,obnoxious brat, MY children were certainly never allowed to act that way....where the hell did this "rule" disappear to?! It's not the having kids that bothers me, it's the having NO rules, no manners, no "I will kick your ass into next week if you even THINK about throwing a tantrum at the restaurant" kids that makes me insane.

    Remember the story last year about the old man who smacked someone else's toddler in a store for incessantly screaming? I think he should be awarded a medal.

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  2. I'd do it but last I checked the 'fridge', my eggs and milk were expired.

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