Four days of switching the summer closet for the winter one, storing away the strappy sandals, catching up on printing photos for the front of each shoebox, pulling the suede out of hibernation, re-evaluating everything I own for possible donation to those needier than I.
Every. Thing.
It's an habitual, annual "must-do-or-suffer-the-wrath-of..." situation. Honestly, I don't know who I think is going to make me suffer anything - but that's how I've gotten back here after a 35 month absence.
Normally I'd save the following pearls for a new year's day post, but I'm feeling like we can't wait. After all, the holidays are coming and it's a good idea not to murder anyone during the last quarter of the year... generally speaking.
The Short List.
- You will NOT get what you want if you don't ask for it. Your spouse, employer, BFF, whomever - they cannot read your mind. CANNOT. If you're waiting around for that to happen, best lay in some significant wine supplies because it's going to be a while.
- Stop giving in instead of holding your ground - when it's important. There's a difference between compromising, and being a doormat because you're scared.
- Stop doing shit that IS NOT YOUR JOB! I'm the worst about this. Whether it's picking up Mr. Man's clothes in the bathroom (GRRRRR!), or finding creative ways to keep your boss' ass out of the fire. Not. Your. JOB. If that's a tough pill to swallow, ask yourself this: who's doing YOUR shit? Who's hauling YOUR ass outta the fire? Oh. Right. YOU are. Look around. You're on your own no matter what anyone else says.
- You do not have to be anyone else's version of perfect. You don't even have to be your OWN version of perfect. It's okay, child. Just be your best you today.
- If someone else is doing "him/her" and it doesn't sit well with your "you," get out. He/she will not bend to your will unless they actually WANT to, even if you implement #1 above. But you MUST ASK before you can legitimately pack his/her crap and leave it in the yard after changing the locks.
[Long sidebar: Number 4 is a daily battle for me leftover from those formative years between 7 and 12. The crazy thing is, not once has ANYONE opened my bureau and passed judgement on whether or not my four styles of panties are individually folded, stacked, and appropriately organized. And yet, I'm not comfortable in my own skin if anything in my life could POSSIBLY be, in any way, interpreted as less than perfect. From panties to hair, household to thighs - all of it creates chaos in my head. I've fired countless housekeepers due to dust on the baseboards - that NO ONE ELSE WOULD EVER NOTICE! I'm compelled to clear some nonsensical and unrealistic bar set by one of the many voices in my head that most likely belongs to some judgy family member who just isn't comfortable with the idea that it's okay to be more/different than they are/were.]
Six or seven years ago, my entire life was pulled from beneath me like a magic trick gone wrong. I was left with a whole lot of stuff I never wanted, and LITERALLY nothing that I did. But I righted myself. I dusted myself off. And then I made a whole pile of really, excruciatingly bad decisions. As one is wont to do...
The thing about bad decisions is that there's a short window for undoing them. We're busy. We push it to tomorrow... or the next day.... because what we're doing now is infinitely more important than dealing with that steaming pile of crap we're otherwise embroiled in that, hey, might fix itself (*sarcasm**eyeroll*). In retrospect, I probably just shoud've let The Universe do whatever it was trying to do. But it's really fucking hard to look those decisions in the eye and say, "Oops. Sorry. Never mind. My bad." I get that. It's even harder when doing it is going to leave you facing fear greater than being caught wearing white after Labor Day.
*taps finger on desk*
I'm not really sure where I thought I was going with all this other than to say, you're doing yourself a huge injustice by selling out. No one is better than you. Different, perhaps. But that doesn't give anyone the right to tell you who to be, or for you to change who you are.
Say what you need to say - or stop bitching about it.
Don't be loud - be true.
You own your dignity - don't put a price on it.
You are a survivor - no matter what.
You be you - for YOU.
Postscript:
This was written as a single run-through. It hasn't been edited or re-organized, so it's probably imperfect... just like me.
