It’s not my fault.
Sarcasm is my body’s natural reaction to stupidity.
What is my fault is not recognizing when I’ve inadvertently surrounded myself with people who provoke my sarcasm…
[Sidebar for clarification: there is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance can be educated. Stupidity is apparently inbred.]
"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech"
- George Bernard Shaw
While we’re clarifying things, I suppose we should define sarcasm. It is not random shittiness. It is not an eyeroll, a snort, or a snide look in someone’s general direction. That’s nothing more than snarky behavior not brave enough to string together an actual remark.
"You have delighted us long enough."
- Jane Austen
Sarcasm is smart. It leaves one wondering if a remark was complimentary, or maybe not so much. It has a basis not only in wit, but in use of language. It requires timing and an innate sense of delivery. For exquisite examples of this, watch any Katharine Hepburn movie. Just pick one. I would suggest The Philadelphia Story with Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart (1940) if you’re truly interested in the brilliance of sarcasm properly delivered.
C. K. Dexter Haven: Sometimes, for your own sake, Red, I think you should've stuck to me longer.
Tracy Lord: I thought it was for life, but the nice judge gave me a full pardon.
I’ll be the first to admit that there’s a time and place for snarky – primarily before you’ve lived enough life to separate what matters, from what does not. But sarcasm, aptly conveyed, is timeless!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Apologies
I will not apologize for being fucked over.
I will not apologize for my reaction to being fucked over.
Mine is a simple philosophy. It’s about accountability. It’s about being honest with yourself and the people around you. I own my actions – good or bad. I apologize when I fuck up. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t appear that a large percentage of the rest of the world feels this way. It appears as though most would prefer to get caught not apologizing, before admitting wrong doing.
Here are the basics: when you get called out and have to back pedal for your actions, do not point your self-righteous finger in someone else’s direction. Look only to yourself and your own behavior. That’s how you get into these messes in the first place. Intuitively we all know what we’re doing, when we’re doing it. If you think I’m wrong, you’re dealing with a denial issue bigger than this blog. These are not always proud moments, and admittedly not always premeditated… the first time. The real issue arises when the unchecked behavior becomes habitual. Now we’re talking about premeditation and frankly, that’s way too unseemly for me to contemplate.
There is never any reason for someone to apologize on behalf of another. If it needs to be said, it will be. To do this is to perpetrate one of the ultimate forms of disloyalty. If you take another’s reins into your own hands, you’re only guiding the situation down a self-serving path. Good intentions – or not. We each have a Path of Destiny. Don’t interfere. It would suck for The Universe to take it out on you, eh?
Lastly, do not apologize for your behavior when you’ve been victimized. I know. No one wants to fall into the “victim” category, but sometimes you just are, and there’s nothing you could have done to avoid it. Understand that you’ll get screwed over. Sometimes by strangers, sometimes by “friends.” Take your pound of flesh, or walk away and wait for the Universe to demand its retribution. I prefer the latter. It’s more fun to watch.
Make your own choice. Just don’t apologize for it.
I will not apologize for my reaction to being fucked over.
Mine is a simple philosophy. It’s about accountability. It’s about being honest with yourself and the people around you. I own my actions – good or bad. I apologize when I fuck up. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t appear that a large percentage of the rest of the world feels this way. It appears as though most would prefer to get caught not apologizing, before admitting wrong doing.
Here are the basics: when you get called out and have to back pedal for your actions, do not point your self-righteous finger in someone else’s direction. Look only to yourself and your own behavior. That’s how you get into these messes in the first place. Intuitively we all know what we’re doing, when we’re doing it. If you think I’m wrong, you’re dealing with a denial issue bigger than this blog. These are not always proud moments, and admittedly not always premeditated… the first time. The real issue arises when the unchecked behavior becomes habitual. Now we’re talking about premeditation and frankly, that’s way too unseemly for me to contemplate.
There is never any reason for someone to apologize on behalf of another. If it needs to be said, it will be. To do this is to perpetrate one of the ultimate forms of disloyalty. If you take another’s reins into your own hands, you’re only guiding the situation down a self-serving path. Good intentions – or not. We each have a Path of Destiny. Don’t interfere. It would suck for The Universe to take it out on you, eh?
Lastly, do not apologize for your behavior when you’ve been victimized. I know. No one wants to fall into the “victim” category, but sometimes you just are, and there’s nothing you could have done to avoid it. Understand that you’ll get screwed over. Sometimes by strangers, sometimes by “friends.” Take your pound of flesh, or walk away and wait for the Universe to demand its retribution. I prefer the latter. It’s more fun to watch.
Make your own choice. Just don’t apologize for it.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Random Whatnots
The following is made up of things I was thinking I might turn into something one day. I still might, but for now, I figured I’d just put out something more lighthearted than The Naked Truth posted below. So here we go.
On Boys and Girls:
I know why Boys don’t like Girls. It’s not all of Us; it’s a few of Them. The whiney, sniveling, snarky, social-climbing, back-stabbing, lying, stalking, skulking, immature, crazy chicks that make Boys believe that all girls are the same.
Apparently this was written just over a year ago:
I was cleaning out my closet today in an effort to prepare for the move into my new house. I came across my satchel from college and in it, one single sheet of notes for a paper I was preparing for Sociology. Dated April 1995 (please stop doing the math) was the following: “Change: Religion retards social change.” This was followed by personal commentary: “Our rationality will put us in a cage.”
From his book:
Men cheat because there are so many women who will cheat with them. – Steve Harvey
From me again:
Though I have many more, they’re far enough along that if I’d get off my dead ass and go mow the lawn, I could get them finished. Yes, I do my best thinking during physical activity. For those men in our audience who would be in the position to ask themselves “that” question, yes, that may very well have been what I was doing! Hey! Don’t judge me! Judge yourself!
On Boys and Girls:
I know why Boys don’t like Girls. It’s not all of Us; it’s a few of Them. The whiney, sniveling, snarky, social-climbing, back-stabbing, lying, stalking, skulking, immature, crazy chicks that make Boys believe that all girls are the same.
Apparently this was written just over a year ago:
I was cleaning out my closet today in an effort to prepare for the move into my new house. I came across my satchel from college and in it, one single sheet of notes for a paper I was preparing for Sociology. Dated April 1995 (please stop doing the math) was the following: “Change: Religion retards social change.” This was followed by personal commentary: “Our rationality will put us in a cage.”
From his book:
Men cheat because there are so many women who will cheat with them. – Steve Harvey
From me again:
Though I have many more, they’re far enough along that if I’d get off my dead ass and go mow the lawn, I could get them finished. Yes, I do my best thinking during physical activity. For those men in our audience who would be in the position to ask themselves “that” question, yes, that may very well have been what I was doing! Hey! Don’t judge me! Judge yourself!
The Naked Truth
Loosely defined, this can be interpreted as “that which we don’t ACTUALLY want to hear.”
There is nothing more distasteful to me than people who spend their energy and the precious time of others with the phrase, “I don’t care what people think.” It’s bullshit. Everybody knows it’s bullshit. The question is why do so many people keep saying it?
Sometimes I think it’s because they can’t hear the hollow ring of dishonesty. This must take amazing commitment to practice, as well as a sincere dedication to denial. Other times I think people say it solely to drown out the voice in their own head asking the question, “seriously? What the hell are you thinking?”
Like it or not, we ARE our brother’s keeper. Naturally, in order not to hand over our personal power, we’ve given it a label: Friendship. By now you may be painfully well aware of the value I put on friendship and how high the bar is set. I like to maintain this as – for my part – friendship is built on trust, thoughtfulness, and oh yeah – the elusive honesty. Yes, I’m plenty honest when you ask. I find it interesting though that when tales are retold, the request for honesty is so often left out of the retelling in order to assure the Friend who asked doesn’t have to admit to already having heard The Naked Truth (refer to definition above) in their own head.
Being our brother’s keeper is the basis of our humanity. Outside of ridiculous friendships, it’s the thing that ensures our civility; the thing that keeps us at the top of the food chain; the thing that maintains our sense of order and decorum. So to all those who cannot hear The Naked Truth above your den of denial, I give you this: Stop asking questions you may not want to hear the answer to. Problem solved. Yes, your ass looks huge in those jeans. Yes, I do know factually that your “boyfriend” is cheating on you. Yes, I forgive you but no, you’re not really my Friend.
There is nothing more distasteful to me than people who spend their energy and the precious time of others with the phrase, “I don’t care what people think.” It’s bullshit. Everybody knows it’s bullshit. The question is why do so many people keep saying it?
Sometimes I think it’s because they can’t hear the hollow ring of dishonesty. This must take amazing commitment to practice, as well as a sincere dedication to denial. Other times I think people say it solely to drown out the voice in their own head asking the question, “seriously? What the hell are you thinking?”
Like it or not, we ARE our brother’s keeper. Naturally, in order not to hand over our personal power, we’ve given it a label: Friendship. By now you may be painfully well aware of the value I put on friendship and how high the bar is set. I like to maintain this as – for my part – friendship is built on trust, thoughtfulness, and oh yeah – the elusive honesty. Yes, I’m plenty honest when you ask. I find it interesting though that when tales are retold, the request for honesty is so often left out of the retelling in order to assure the Friend who asked doesn’t have to admit to already having heard The Naked Truth (refer to definition above) in their own head.
Being our brother’s keeper is the basis of our humanity. Outside of ridiculous friendships, it’s the thing that ensures our civility; the thing that keeps us at the top of the food chain; the thing that maintains our sense of order and decorum. So to all those who cannot hear The Naked Truth above your den of denial, I give you this: Stop asking questions you may not want to hear the answer to. Problem solved. Yes, your ass looks huge in those jeans. Yes, I do know factually that your “boyfriend” is cheating on you. Yes, I forgive you but no, you’re not really my Friend.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Oddities of The Universe
I don’t know if it’s because I tend not to learn The Lesson the first time, or out of a sheer desire to actually control my life, but every once in awhile, I find myself trying to force The Universe to do things my way – to see what I want and let me make it happen.
*heavy sigh*
Cripes. I really do know better than that. This is not the way The Universe works. For those of you still catching up with my philosophy surrounding the Higher Power of The Universe, here’s the crux of it. We have no power over other people’s actions. They will do what they please irrespective of how we try to “influence” them, often disregarding the collateral damage. The question then posed to each of us is, “what to do, what to do?” There’s only one real consideration when pondering the options, “what does The Universe already have planned?”
*evil eyebrow wiggle*
The Universe puts us exactly where we’re supposed to be exactly when we’re supposed to be there. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that most of the time, I have no idea why I am where I am, or what I’m doing here. For the most part I’m okay with this because I’m pretty sure The Universe has a sense of humor and I’m an easy target. This determination is based on the number of times The Universe has dropped something into my lap that made me really glad I was already sitting down.
Revelations generally take time for The Universe to divulge, and it would be a rare coincidence for me to still be idling about when that finally happens. Frankly, I rather like this. It’s my only true repeatable pattern. Maybe it’s that “unstoppable force of nature” thing of which they speak!
Nonetheless, let it be stated for the record that in all of my somewhat dodgy life, I’ve only ever intentionally interfered with The Universe for the cause of those I love who have suffered irreparable damage at the hand of another.
Well okay, and on my own behalf a couple of times, but remember, the criteria is irreparable damage!
Set the scene: Hypothetically, of course, say some ridiculous person were meddling about in one’s personal whatnots with true and total disregard for anything other than personal self-gratification, even though a child could easily see how inappropriate the behavior is and the stir it’s creating. Hmm…. What to do, what to do... Expose the culprit along with all the very damning and accidently accumulated evidence, thus ruining a reputation, such as it is? Or sit quietly, laying in wait for The Universe to take its inevitable action? (Rhetorical question, people!)
Now let’s assume we’re talking specifically about me – since I’m the only one over whom I have some semblance of control. It could be argued that The Universe would not put me in the place and position to receive said information if I weren’t supposed to have the knowledge. With knowledge comes the power to do something. Am I supposed to? What ramifications will the fallout of disclosure bring? And is that supposed to happen, as dictated by The Universe? What if The Universe gave me this to move on, and I don’t? Even more interesting to ponder, what if I DO?
I don’t actually have to answer these questions as ultimately there will be a shift. That’s the way it works. If I continue to mull it over, eventually The Universe will get bored with my musings and either decide for me in accordance with The Grand Plan, or give the information to someone else less hesitant. Either way, what is supposed to happen, will happen. And it doesn’t make any difference how you try to stop it.
Kinda makes you wanna be more careful, doesn’t it? The Universe is a bitch!
*heavy sigh*
Cripes. I really do know better than that. This is not the way The Universe works. For those of you still catching up with my philosophy surrounding the Higher Power of The Universe, here’s the crux of it. We have no power over other people’s actions. They will do what they please irrespective of how we try to “influence” them, often disregarding the collateral damage. The question then posed to each of us is, “what to do, what to do?” There’s only one real consideration when pondering the options, “what does The Universe already have planned?”
*evil eyebrow wiggle*
The Universe puts us exactly where we’re supposed to be exactly when we’re supposed to be there. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that most of the time, I have no idea why I am where I am, or what I’m doing here. For the most part I’m okay with this because I’m pretty sure The Universe has a sense of humor and I’m an easy target. This determination is based on the number of times The Universe has dropped something into my lap that made me really glad I was already sitting down.
Revelations generally take time for The Universe to divulge, and it would be a rare coincidence for me to still be idling about when that finally happens. Frankly, I rather like this. It’s my only true repeatable pattern. Maybe it’s that “unstoppable force of nature” thing of which they speak!
Nonetheless, let it be stated for the record that in all of my somewhat dodgy life, I’ve only ever intentionally interfered with The Universe for the cause of those I love who have suffered irreparable damage at the hand of another.
Well okay, and on my own behalf a couple of times, but remember, the criteria is irreparable damage!
Set the scene: Hypothetically, of course, say some ridiculous person were meddling about in one’s personal whatnots with true and total disregard for anything other than personal self-gratification, even though a child could easily see how inappropriate the behavior is and the stir it’s creating. Hmm…. What to do, what to do... Expose the culprit along with all the very damning and accidently accumulated evidence, thus ruining a reputation, such as it is? Or sit quietly, laying in wait for The Universe to take its inevitable action? (Rhetorical question, people!)
Now let’s assume we’re talking specifically about me – since I’m the only one over whom I have some semblance of control. It could be argued that The Universe would not put me in the place and position to receive said information if I weren’t supposed to have the knowledge. With knowledge comes the power to do something. Am I supposed to? What ramifications will the fallout of disclosure bring? And is that supposed to happen, as dictated by The Universe? What if The Universe gave me this to move on, and I don’t? Even more interesting to ponder, what if I DO?
I don’t actually have to answer these questions as ultimately there will be a shift. That’s the way it works. If I continue to mull it over, eventually The Universe will get bored with my musings and either decide for me in accordance with The Grand Plan, or give the information to someone else less hesitant. Either way, what is supposed to happen, will happen. And it doesn’t make any difference how you try to stop it.
Kinda makes you wanna be more careful, doesn’t it? The Universe is a bitch!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Force of Nature
I've recently been told by two people - who have nothing more than the most passing knowledge of one another - that I am like “an unstoppable force of nature.”
*blink* *blink*
I’m what?
The first time I heard it, it came with this sort-of explanation: “you have a way of making total fuck into something cool … You’re chaos and calm at the same time. It’s kinda weird to be around. Like, I think I want to run, but staying is gonna be so much better… so I do.”
The second time I heard it, the context was very different and meant to be much less flattering(?) than the first. It was delivered with something just barely this side of unconcealed malice. In this variation on the theme, it was said that I “race around with total disregard for anyone else’s feelings” but my own.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that part of my “charm” is my unpredictability. But even I’M not THAT bipolar. Frankly, both of these confuse me the hell out of me, though admittedly in some odd, fractional way, I can almost see both sides.
I do actually execute life plans most people can’t imagine – whimsically and with much haste. I do say things people don’t want to hear when they need to be said. These traits come naturally to me; as though I carry a freaky little chromosome that sets change in motion irrespective of whether or not anyone else is ready for it.
So, here’s my take on this madness. Though there may be some hidden validity in each, the comment comes from two very different places. I think the first sees a swath cut but appreciates that some people only exist for the briefest of moments, and with a purpose. It’s the purpose, not the person, which should be reckoned with.
I suppose the second might not be comfortable on a rocking boat, though doesn't seem to have any trouble pointing out when waves are being made. Keeping the peace and everyone in a specific place ensures that when life goes to hell, it’s easy to raise eyebrows at the appropriate person without the dirty hands. Seems like a good approach to me, in retrospect. Point a finger while wearing a glove. Wouldn’t want to dirty the hands by being caught standing on the side of a spoken truth.
Either way, they have this in common: both see exactly, and only, what they need to see, when they need to see it – for whatever reason. Life changes very quickly around any force of nature, and it’s impossible to predict the outcome. Does that make you nervous? Check the winds…
*blink* *blink*
I’m what?
The first time I heard it, it came with this sort-of explanation: “you have a way of making total fuck into something cool … You’re chaos and calm at the same time. It’s kinda weird to be around. Like, I think I want to run, but staying is gonna be so much better… so I do.”
The second time I heard it, the context was very different and meant to be much less flattering(?) than the first. It was delivered with something just barely this side of unconcealed malice. In this variation on the theme, it was said that I “race around with total disregard for anyone else’s feelings” but my own.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that part of my “charm” is my unpredictability. But even I’M not THAT bipolar. Frankly, both of these confuse me the hell out of me, though admittedly in some odd, fractional way, I can almost see both sides.
I do actually execute life plans most people can’t imagine – whimsically and with much haste. I do say things people don’t want to hear when they need to be said. These traits come naturally to me; as though I carry a freaky little chromosome that sets change in motion irrespective of whether or not anyone else is ready for it.
So, here’s my take on this madness. Though there may be some hidden validity in each, the comment comes from two very different places. I think the first sees a swath cut but appreciates that some people only exist for the briefest of moments, and with a purpose. It’s the purpose, not the person, which should be reckoned with.
I suppose the second might not be comfortable on a rocking boat, though doesn't seem to have any trouble pointing out when waves are being made. Keeping the peace and everyone in a specific place ensures that when life goes to hell, it’s easy to raise eyebrows at the appropriate person without the dirty hands. Seems like a good approach to me, in retrospect. Point a finger while wearing a glove. Wouldn’t want to dirty the hands by being caught standing on the side of a spoken truth.
Either way, they have this in common: both see exactly, and only, what they need to see, when they need to see it – for whatever reason. Life changes very quickly around any force of nature, and it’s impossible to predict the outcome. Does that make you nervous? Check the winds…
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