It's barely the end of 2014 and already 2015 feels weird. Somehow different and a little... sad, perhaps? I dunno. I mean, it's stupid, really. I've absolutely nothing to be sad about except for dreams unfulfilled - and everybody has those. I should mention here, Dear Reader, that I'll probably shut this blog down sometime in the coming year. Not because I don't love writing it - I've simply run out of uncensored things to say. So while I haven't been at all diligent about writing in 2014, expect that at some point in 2015, I'll stop altogether. THAT SAID...
I present to you, your harsh realities for use as you strive toward, well, whatever you're striving toward.
Here's The List
- You are where you are because that, my friend, is where you put yourself. You don't get to blame your Higher Power, The Universe, or the people around you for your ill-conceived decisions.
- It's okay to sweepingly eliminate people or situations from your life. If you weren't supposed to, The Universe will one day put them back - either to correct the 'mistake' or reteach you a lesson the hard way. Recognize the difference or that bitch will screw you twice.
- Pay attention! This will solve almost all of your "problems."
- Yes. You're fat. Does that make you feel better? Get off your ass and do something about it. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and love yourself.
- Do not spend more time in front of a mirror than is absolutely necessary to make your face or comb your hair. It only reflects your genetics. It is NOT who you are (regardless of what mass media or your mother would have you believe).
- BE HUMBLE. That doesn't mean turning off your star-power. It means not tooting your own horn. Your sense of self-importance makes people roll their eyes.
- Life is a "Bring Your Own Water Wings" affair so stop annoying the rest of us with how you've been wronged, and paddle already.
- Keeping your word - the promises you make - is a direct reflection of who you really are - as opposed to who you'd like people to think you are. Anyone can make a promise. It's in the keeping that that we separate the wheat from the chaff.
- The things you do not say will speak as loudly as those you do. Choose your silence wisely.
- Facial moisturizing potions, along with the mani/pedi, should never be considered an unnecessary expense. You'll thank me for this one when you're older.
- At the end of the day, you and you alone must live with your own inaction.
- Breathe easy - don't break the law.
- Be decent. To yourself, to the people you know, and to the people you don't. Nice is easy.
- There is almost always a Brutus in your midst masquerading as a confidant, so learn the difference between those who appear trustworthy, and those you can actually trust.
- When saying no - to anyone for any reason - it absolutely is not necessary to offer an explanation.
- Do not shampoo your hair every day - no matter what.
- Do not lie. To me or to yourself.
- You can rescue animals, but not people. So do that. People must sort themselves out.
- The only "perfect" relationships exist in books and movies (no matter what bullshit your girlfriend feeds you), and that's only because The End appears before shit gets real. Every relationship is flawed. Every.
- A few minutes of your time - especially when you don't 'have' it - is worth hours to someone who needs it.
- Take heed: a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
- Girls: wear high heels as often as possible. Boys: learn how to 'wear' a suit. Both of these are incredibly useful skills.
- People are going to talk. What're you giving them to talk about?
- Your behavior in all situations is 100% on you. Own it or change it. Those are your only options.
- We all humiliate ourselves. Get over it. These are the stories that make you less unbearable.
- Choosing not to engage in The Drama means forfeiting your right to defend yourself against what others say. Know that, ultimately, this is still the best course of action - especially when you factor in karma, comeuppance, and the opportunity to secretly point and laugh later.
- Never put anything in writing that cannot be aired publicly. I keep stuff. It's useful. And rightfully scares people.
- Always remember that, on your very worst day, there are people who would give literally anything to have had your day at all.
- If you don't want to be treated like a whore, stop dressing like one.
- People will take advantage of you until you make them stop. The tricky bit is in the approach, and I can't help you with that.
So that's it.
Perhaps we'll meet again - here or somewhere else. Until then, refer to #13.
Perhaps we'll meet again - here or somewhere else. Until then, refer to #13.
Reuse of this photo without permission is strictly prohibited under U.S. copyright laws - and because I said so.
