"She Said What?"

We all know it’s a rare occasion that I step outside my own personal business to write about the actual carrying on of people I actually know. But sometimes, it’s to the benefit of all of cyber-civilization to remind you that your behavior counts. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day someone will pull up all of the old email you sent and forward it. Let that be a warning the next time gossip or ugly words are about to cross the lips. Now, on with our story…

I would guess three or four years ago, I could’ve been considered a FaceBook junkie. Even two years ago, when I was working from my office at home every day, it was always up on one of my computers. But over the last year and a half, I’ve found other things to do with my time and FaceBook just sort of fell away.

Sure, I’ll check for private messages, ignore new friend requests, and run through the first few items of my newsfeed, but rarely do I see anything of interest enough to comment on before I’m bored and move on to the 300+ pieces of email waiting in my Inbox. So imagine my surprise…

[Clarification: what follows wasn’t so much surprising as it was… well… baffling]

… to read a comment by a 34-year old woman who wrote, “Cheers to being grown-ups!”

My unexpressed thought? “As opposed to….? “

I happen to know this particular girl and I know that the sole purpose behind the post was to let “everyone” know that the person she so horribly ridiculed for so many years, is now her “friend,” alongside a host of others she’s summarily defamed and gossiped about.

Weird… because none of that seems very grown-up at all.

Behaving in a manner befitting one’s mid-30s is not cause for a celebration – it’s an expectation. Much like one expects a 16-year old girl to pine over a boy who doesn’t want to date her.

At a certain age – I’ll say, theortically 28 – you should have reached a mature, adult station whereby you can forego high school-like carrying-on; stand by your opinions and decisions; and have achieved, at a minimum, a level of self-confidence and awareness not to lie, gossip, or weasel your way into situations in hopes of being “in-the-know.” It’s embarrassing… for the rest of us.

Just so we’re clear, I am definitely not saying that you’ll never hear me say anything snarky about another person, or that gossip is/was/has been officially banished from my life! That’s just crazy talk! Hell, some of my best material is built on both of those. The difference is that I stand in front of, and behind, my words. If you’re not going to own it, then you’ve got no business saying it. It’s a “treacherous” road when others know the truth and kinda feel like it might make for a hilarious party anecdote.

In conclusion (*clears throat*):
• Acting your age instead of your shoe-size is not just cause to pop a bottle

• Look to Dr. Spock’s “Baby and Child Care” for education surrounding age-appropriate milestones then put them into practice

• Don’t be a two-faced jackal (Oh! I think I’ll add that one for next year’s updated version of Life Truths!)

Holding to these simple guidelines will ensure the number of times people snicker behind your back is minimized; the chance of someone publicizing the truth about your unstable, low self-esteem driven crazy antics is kept mostly under wraps; and you’re continued presence is tolerated – given your circumstances… whatever they may be.

Now run along and play. The grown-ups are talking.

Life Truths: Updated for 2012

It's that time again... the time when I like to remind my readers that certain whatnots and situations should be addressed, managed and otherwise dealt with so that I don't have to step in and talk ugly about them... possibly using names... with photos.

It occurs to me that as we head into the new year full of our latest resolutions (aka personal promises which set us up for failure), it would be a good idea to re-arm with a few basic Life Truths on decorum and ownership. This, of course, is in effort not to witness some of the more unsavory and sometimes tawdry moments of last year. It was truly appalling...
 
The List

1. You are where you are because that, my friend, is where you put yourself. Do not blame your Higher Power, The Universe, or the people around you for your ill-conceived decisions.
2. Yes. You're fat. Does that make you feel better? Get off your ass and do something about it. Now, can we please stop having that conversation?
3. The Universe is trying to move you in the direction of your life path. Quit acting like you know everything. You don't. So how about you just go ahead and get out of your own way?
4. Life is a "Bring Your Own Water Wings" affair so stop annoying the rest of us with your bitching about how you've been done oh-so-wrong and paddle already.
5. Just because you want it does not mean it's yours to have.
6. You always have a choice. Take the route that will make your grandmother proud.
7. Your true friends will say the things you don't want to hear because they love you... and because they have faith that you already know the truth.
8. Beware false allies and those who try too hard. Therein you will one day discover ulterior motive.
9. When saying no - to anyone for any reason - it absolutely is not necessary to offer an explanation.
10. From Image Consultant and friend, Beth Newman: "Do not participate in 'big, bad, bold behavior.'" It's unseemly and frankly, déclassé. http://www.newmanimage.info/
11. Do not shampoo your hair every day - no matter what.
12. Stop fighting The Universe and you'll stop making stupid mistakes.
13. One minute of your time - especially when you don't "have" it - is worth hours to someone who needs it.
14. Pay attention. This will solve almost all of your "problems."
15. Take heed: a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
16. People are going to talk. Your choice is in what you give them to talk about!
17. We all humiliate ourselves. Get over it. These are the stories of our life's winter.
18. If you think any part of this (or my blog in general) is directed at you, it probably is... I just don't know it. Examine why you do.
19. Do not lie. To me or yourself.
20. Your behavior in all situations is 100% on you. Own it or change it. These are the only options.
21. Ladies: If a man wants to be with you, he will always find a way to make that happen. I suppose the same can be said conversely.
22. Choosing not to engage means forfeiting your right to defend yourself against what others say. Know that, ultimately, this is still the best course of action - especially when you factor in karma, comeuppance, and the opportunity to secretly point and laugh later!
23. Never put anything in writing that cannot be aired publicly.
24. People will take advantage of you until you make them stop. The tricky bit is in the approach, and I can't help you with that.

So that's it. An updated version of my annual reminder - in no particular order. Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere else to be.