For some time now, I’ve been putting together a random list of my pet peeves… so imagine my surprise when I read two of them on Sarcasm Society this morning. Ba!
The upside is that it lit a fire under me to share these little bits of insight and wisdom. Note that this list was not put together in a rush or ill advisedly. I’m also not certain it’s complete…
“I could care less”
Really? Could you? Then perhaps you should. The idiom is, “I couldn’t care less,” meaning the amount you care doesn't even exist at rock-bottom. I promise that if you use this phrase incorrectly, I will gently correct you by saying, very slowly in hopes your feeble mind will take note, “I could not possibly care any less.”
“Trust me…”
Because… why? You normally lie but this time you’re telling the truth? Because you think you know more about a given situation than anyone else? Are you seriously that self-involved that you believe you’re the ultimate authority? Just hearing you say that immediately generates a knee-jerk reaction from me not to trust you.
“I want to say…”
Well then go ahead, say it. I had a friend once who thought making fun of people who said this was absolutely the funniest, make-you-snort-with-laughter thing ever. Agreed. If you don’t know, just say you don’t know. Don’t guess and preface it with that expression. It’s ridiculous. Consider it said.
“LOL”
This is not something you type in a text, IM, or chat room just to fill the silence. And are you really laughing out loud? I doubt it. If you are actually chortling, how about employing the use of a phrase less pedestrian?
And while we’re on the topic of texting, why oh why do you think I want to waste time locating my chirping cell just to read your conversation ending, “K.” Here’s the thing: acquiescence is implied by your silence. For example: “I’ll meet you at the bar at 9.” If for some reason you’re not going to make it, then respond as such. Otherwise, go on about the business of preparation so you’re not late.
Oh, the perpetually tardy. You can judge an adult’s sense of respect for others based solely on whether or not they can manage to consistently be on time. I’ve ranted through this topic on numerous occasions, but if you missed it, go read Time Time Time.
Whistling. Some would say this bothers me because I can’t do it. I say I can’t do it because, well, why would I want to? I fail to see any reason why someone would fill a car with this harsh, high-pitched racket when there’s a perfectly conversational companion in the next seat. There is absolutely no call for walking around the office or anywhere else you’re not alone making this incredibly annoying noise. Let’s make a deal, I promise to continue only singing in the shower if you promise to only whistle there. And to be specific, your own shower, not mine. Preferably in another state. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know people who lie about the most asinine things. Things no one actually cares about anyway. It’s part of a game of one-upmanship and I have no tolerance for this sort of behavior. In what Universe do you suppose telling me how wonderful or dedicated or whatever you are is going to make a difference in my life? I live in my own little Jana Bubble. If it doesn’t directly impact me or my serenity I don’t give a shit what you do, when you do it, or who you’re doing it with. Lie about it though and you’re dead to me.
This list goes on to include things like bad table manners, no manners, loud-mouthed women, white after Labor Day no matter what “fashion” says this year, people who can’t hold their liquor or behave properly under the influence of one-too-many, children who don’t understand the phrase “seen but not heard” and the insecure parents who let them get away with acts of total disrespect, pettiness, and the slovenly.
*whew*
After all of that, it might seem like it’s difficult to be with me. It’s not. Merely think before you speak, and consider the outcome before you act. *shrugs*
