None for Me, Thank You Very Much!

Christmas can be an awkward time for those of us who intentionally hold no religious affiliation. It’s fraught with the declining of invitations to attend pageants and services and yet another, “come with us to see our neighbor’s nativity scene!" This rant is dedicated to those of you who extend these invitations/commands year after year as though something is going to dramatically change and we'll suddenly decide that everything we hold dear is of no consequence and come running whatnot... enthusiastically.

First, I would like to offer some advice on how to gracefully accept “no” as an answer.

1. Do not ask “why not?” It’s in poor form.
2. Do not plead or bribe. The answer will now be an agitated “no!”
3. Appreciate that your non-religious, non-conformist friend(s) will find a way to avoid you at the holidays going forward if you don’t respect their holiday traditions - or lack thereof.

[Sidebar: When you say no – to anyone for any reason – it is absolutely NOT necessary to offer up an explanation. When faced with an invitation that makes you want to run screaming to the back of your closet with a bottle of vodka rather than accept, your options are few: lie (always a bad idea); be truthful and risk hurting someone’s feelings; or silence. I recommend the third.]

I think we'd all like you to spend a little time mulling over why you’re so dead-set on getting us to your little shindigs in the first place. Is it really worth how annoyed I'd be just so you can add one more person to the audience when your 7-year-old son performs his ear-piercing violin rendition of Silent Night, or your grossly overweight daughter appears as a manger animal?

We of the non-religious persuasion are not curmudgeons. Quite the opposite, actually. I think we’re often more filled with the spirit of the season than many of our “religious” friends. And it’s not just the spirit we call booze! We don't feel the need to bust out a religious holiday in order to have an excuse for doing what people should do all the time anyway. We don’t need the guilt or fear of organized religion to make us "do unto others as we would have done unto us.” We heed the Golden Rule on principle, and we're mindful of  the power of "karmageddeon!"

Now, before you make me wear a new kind of letter on my pinafore, put an armband on my sleeve, or send over the bible-thumpers to save my poor soul from eternal damnation, let me type out loud that I’m not an atheist. Technically, I’m not agnostic either. By definition, an atheist, in the broadest sense of the term, is one who does not believe in any God or deity. Operative word: any.

To say one is agnostic, by definition, is to believe that the truth of a deity or other metaphysical power is unknowable. We could get into the semantics of this, but really. Why?

I consider myself simply a non-religious person. I do believe in the power of The Universe; I do not believe in any one God. I go with what I know and in this I have tremendous faith. For instance:

I have faith that I will, in fact, eat all of the orange cinnamon rolls if left alone with them.
I have faith that at least two people at some holiday gathering will irritate me to the point of having to keep a glass of “spirit” to my lips for hours on end in a gallant effort not to tell them to shut the hell up!
I have faith in inherent good.
I have faith that The Universe will never stop surprising me.
I have faith that as long as we continue to rise above the mire, we will continue not to get dirty… and I’m not a fan of dirt.

Now I'm wondering if I need to point out that Faith and Belief are two very different things. Belief is based in circumstances concreted into our own personal facts. For instance:

I believe that one must be cautious after dark.
I believe that four martinis will make just about anyone wear a lampshade.
I believe that no matter what, I cannot change – by choice or desire – the ultimate outcome of anything.
I believe that those without faith in their friendships are destined to chase something they’ll never catch.
I believe in my hairstylist’s innate sense of confidentiality.
I know you can’t change what other people want or need to believe.

I take great comfort in knowing that I will never be confused with a Christmas Catholic or Hanukkah Jew. I know what I know and that’s enough, thank you very much. Happy celebrations of whatever, Dear Readers!