Social Networking

This can't be happening to just me...

Lately I've been getting these random Facebook, LinkedIn, Classmates.com messages from people I haven't thought about in what feels like a bazillion years. Interestingly, it seems like more and more they're from boys. Boys I may or may not have dated during a previous life phase.

I don't know about y'all but I've always thought of skulking about on social networking websites as strictly "girl territory." What could this possibly mean? Are boys getting in touch with their feminine side? And if they are, why now?

Big surprise, I have a theory. I suspect that these boys have reached some random pinnacle in their lives when they discover they're no longer full of the old vim and vigor. They're starting to look around and wonder what they missed while they were busy being self-obsessed. If you read the books or watch reality television you probably know this behavior has historically been confined to the stereotypical Mid-Life Crisis - and we're generally comfortable with that. However, if you take a good look around, you'll realize too that it's happening in much younger boys than it used to. Young like 25-30 year olds! Now, somebody please tell me what they could possibly be having a crisis over...

Moving on.

So boys, though I can't help you with your new paunch (hey, step away from the trough), the receding hairline (plugs are never a good idea), or the post-collegiate realization that you ain't actually The Shit (buddy, you never really were - embrace it), I can say that Internet stalking, Ex-Girlfriend Googling, and mysterious posts on social networking sites are not the answer to whatever your damage is. And it's creepy. I can't imagine what you think you're going to get out of it but here are a few heart-felt responses to this activity:

1. No, I am not going to be so surprised and excited that I send you naked photos of myself.
2. No, I am not going to be so flattered by your sudden attention that I start sneaking about to have Dirty Talk Time with you.
3. No, I am not going to be so bowled over by your sweet remembrances of our time together that I meet you for drinks while your wife / girlfriend / mother is away.
4. No, I am not going to be so stupid as to think that if "we" meet "you" for dinner that you don't have ulterior motives - most of which you'll try to convey beneath the tablecloth and out of sight of our companions.

What are you up to, Creeps McGreeps? If any of the above applies to your sudden need to contact me, you should just slink away with the knowledge that I'm a suspicious, cynical girl and it's fairly unlikely you'll receive a response from me not laced ridicule.

*shrugs*

Move along, Pal. There's no show here today.