And then there’s the deceit...
Here’s the thing about that; let’s just call it what it is: lying.
Whether by omission, distortion, or boldfaced storytelling, it’s all the same.
I know this girl (though not very well I suppose), who lies about pretty much everything. From what she’s doing, to what she ate for lunch. I can only assume this is a defense mechanism to keep from facing the fact that she’s basically miserable. Or maybe she knows, but she’s trying to hide it from everyone else. Whatever the reason, it’s totally transparent… to everyone…which is embarrassing. One of her friends should talk to her about this…
*looks around*
So, I was chatting with some girlfriends, trying to sort out why so many people give lip-service to “loving everyone just the way they are” then behaving in such a way as to prove that’s total bullshit. We got sidetracked with margaritas so there was never a resolution reached… but the drinks were fantastic, no one lied about anything, and we nearly managed to solve the Libyan crisis.
Still, out of that tequila-fueled conversation came our humble opinion:
Most non-cover-story lying is based in some distorted sense of competition. I have to admit that, given my completely fucked up life (hey, I own it… leave it alone), I’m always caught a little off guard when it happens to me. Y'all are already one up on me... no need to compete for the Most Fucked Up Life title! Besides, if there were something here to compete with, I’d be exploiting the hell out of it.
Here's what I want to know:
Whatever happened to The Sisterhood?
What about supporting one another, instead of belittling another's accomplishments or happiness with a misguided, self-congratulatory tale of superiority?
Where is the kinship that ties us together in mutual love and respect?
Where is the genuine happiness for something good that happens in someone else’s life?
When did all of that get replaced with lying about how you did the same thing only better?
Do those women understand how little the rest of us want to be around that behavior?
It’s a special relationship among women who have the kind of honest communication that sisterhood deserves, free of competitive bullshit and “what are you wearing so I can be sure to look cuter” crap. I’m very lucky to have a few girls in my life who are, like me, too busy, grown-up, disinterested, or damaged to make time for that behavior. Gesh, imagine how unnerving it would be to discover one of “those girls” within your inner circle of confidants.
We should probably consider a stricter friendship application form...
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
We Don't Talk Anymore
Oh, there are words leaving mouths at breakneck speed, but no one seems to be saying anything of decipherable relevance.
I think we have two very opposite social groups participating in this phenomenon. One seems to be so afraid of ruffling feathers or being perceived as actually taking a stand in opposition of someone else, that nothing is being said when the words are finally uttered. I’m exhausted from trying to figure where these people stand; trying to ferret out meaning from a stream of “politically correct” euphemisms and random acronyms or abbreviations.
The other is compiled of sneaks, schemers, and social-climbers who are talking non-stop about anything and everything that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Gossip, innuendo, half-truths, and brazenly made up bullshit fabricated or passed along in an effort for the teller to feel or appear important in their crowd. Sadly, from time to time you will discover a supposed friend in this mix. I did. It sucks.
*sighs and shrugs*
I do not gossip. Oh I enjoy a laughter-filled round of speculation over a shared bottle of wine as much as the next girl, but I’d never try to pass it off as truth.
I do not tell other people’s stories.
Just so we’re clear, there are many, many times I’ve been absolutely giddy with the opportunity to share a scandalous piece of verifiable information with the world because someone involved kicked my Universe in the ribs.
But I don’t.
Not because I consider myself above that sort of behavior or think I’m better than any other schmoe. Neither of these is true! My reasoning is more selfish.
I used to wonder why so few people are willing to take a defiant stand in solidarity of truth and friendship; and the gross number who remain “neutral” when unfortunate circumstances befall their friends. Are these people so self-involved that they don’t see how in not taking a stand, they are taking one?
But I’m past the marveling.
Now I say, so what? The Neutrals have to live with themselves as spineless followers and that’s enough for me. As for the rest, I can’t change the weak-willed and silent conformists. I can only leave them behind.
I think we have two very opposite social groups participating in this phenomenon. One seems to be so afraid of ruffling feathers or being perceived as actually taking a stand in opposition of someone else, that nothing is being said when the words are finally uttered. I’m exhausted from trying to figure where these people stand; trying to ferret out meaning from a stream of “politically correct” euphemisms and random acronyms or abbreviations.
The other is compiled of sneaks, schemers, and social-climbers who are talking non-stop about anything and everything that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Gossip, innuendo, half-truths, and brazenly made up bullshit fabricated or passed along in an effort for the teller to feel or appear important in their crowd. Sadly, from time to time you will discover a supposed friend in this mix. I did. It sucks.
*sighs and shrugs*
I do not gossip. Oh I enjoy a laughter-filled round of speculation over a shared bottle of wine as much as the next girl, but I’d never try to pass it off as truth.
I do not tell other people’s stories.
Just so we’re clear, there are many, many times I’ve been absolutely giddy with the opportunity to share a scandalous piece of verifiable information with the world because someone involved kicked my Universe in the ribs.
But I don’t.
Not because I consider myself above that sort of behavior or think I’m better than any other schmoe. Neither of these is true! My reasoning is more selfish.
- I know that if I sit on something for just a little while, I’ll discover I really don’t care, so why get involved?
- I don’t have much more than a passing interest in people who don’t affect me.
- If they do affect me, it’s much more interesting to watch The Universe take out its own revenge rather than get all dirty myself.
I used to wonder why so few people are willing to take a defiant stand in solidarity of truth and friendship; and the gross number who remain “neutral” when unfortunate circumstances befall their friends. Are these people so self-involved that they don’t see how in not taking a stand, they are taking one?
But I’m past the marveling.
Now I say, so what? The Neutrals have to live with themselves as spineless followers and that’s enough for me. As for the rest, I can’t change the weak-willed and silent conformists. I can only leave them behind.
Friday, February 25, 2011
TNR: Trap, Neuter, Release
You know how “they” say that death comes in threes? Well, apparently bad relationships do, too – though maybe that’s redundant.
Historically, I go three bad, then one so good I panic and fuck it up…immediately returning to the first of three bad. It’s a vicious cycle really. One would think I’d be dizzy by now and maybe, oh I dunno, get off the ride!
Speaking of threes, I also have three friends currently embroiled in relationships that are speeding toward Dead Ends-ville and not one of them will look it in the eye. I’m not judging. I’ve been there.
I think what we need is a new approach to getting involved in relationships altogether. I’m just spitballin’ here, but how about this…
TNR: Trap – Neuter – Release.
The premise is that we could save others from inevitable misery by identifying those who will mess with your head, or fuck you over because they’re all fucked up. We could do our brethren a solid by making these people readily recognizable, preferably to the naked eye.
Trap
It sounds worse than it is. This is the act of entertaining a relationship with the object of your affection/lust. Assessment should begin post-haste so that the “cute” things (read: crazy or sociopathic behaviors) don’t get overlooked early. This is an important phase in the project as you’re coloring the impression of your partner for all those to come. I recommend going with your gut. It’s better equipped to deal with the truth than your heart or throbbing genitalia.
Note: Even if you’re not particularly interested in an actual relationship, you’re welcome to participate in this objective for sport. Think of it as a community service.
Neuter
We need some boundaries here. I’m neither advocating nor suggesting the maiming or removal of actual reproductive organs… that would be illegal no matter how attractive the idea or how much it would benefit the world's gene pool. When I say “neuter” I mean to permanently identify as less-than-desirable, thus limiting the opportunities for reproduction.
Okay. So you’ve discovered some horrible personality trait or habitual behavior during your Trap Assessment that should not be inflicted on others of your gender or sexual orientation. As I ponder the execution of this step, it occurs to me that there are certainly plenty of options – from a drunken trip to the tattoo studio for the secret ink, to tagging the ear with your pre-registered Trapper number. I probably need to sort that bit out before wide release of TNR v1.1. All suggestions are welcomed.
Release
In theory, this should be the easy part; however, let’s remember what we’re dealing with here. There’s always the possibility that some of us might have to change our phone number, quit our job, or move to another state and assume an alias – so there’s that to consider before participating in this much needed social experiment.
Since you don’t want to send your newly neutered prey over the edge, I suggest implementing the liquor-lubricated band-aid Release methodology so as to delay any possible repercussions when you deliver back into the wild. No explanation for this action is required. If you’d care to offer up one though, might I suggest “it’s not me, it’s you.”
Once the bugs are worked out, I’m pretty sure that widespread use of TNR could be the next great advancement in dating. Ultimately, a National Registry with open online viewing access would be a useful tool, complete with a BOLO page for those slippery ones that get away without the requisite tagging.
*smiles contently*
How great to know that someone else has already determined a level of undesirable behavior or crazy significant enough to deem warning-worthy to the rest of the world. Of course, it’s subjective… I mean, one man’s crazy is another man’s delightfully kinky.
Historically, I go three bad, then one so good I panic and fuck it up…immediately returning to the first of three bad. It’s a vicious cycle really. One would think I’d be dizzy by now and maybe, oh I dunno, get off the ride!
Speaking of threes, I also have three friends currently embroiled in relationships that are speeding toward Dead Ends-ville and not one of them will look it in the eye. I’m not judging. I’ve been there.
I think what we need is a new approach to getting involved in relationships altogether. I’m just spitballin’ here, but how about this…
TNR: Trap – Neuter – Release.
The premise is that we could save others from inevitable misery by identifying those who will mess with your head, or fuck you over because they’re all fucked up. We could do our brethren a solid by making these people readily recognizable, preferably to the naked eye.
Trap
It sounds worse than it is. This is the act of entertaining a relationship with the object of your affection/lust. Assessment should begin post-haste so that the “cute” things (read: crazy or sociopathic behaviors) don’t get overlooked early. This is an important phase in the project as you’re coloring the impression of your partner for all those to come. I recommend going with your gut. It’s better equipped to deal with the truth than your heart or throbbing genitalia.
Note: Even if you’re not particularly interested in an actual relationship, you’re welcome to participate in this objective for sport. Think of it as a community service.
Neuter
We need some boundaries here. I’m neither advocating nor suggesting the maiming or removal of actual reproductive organs… that would be illegal no matter how attractive the idea or how much it would benefit the world's gene pool. When I say “neuter” I mean to permanently identify as less-than-desirable, thus limiting the opportunities for reproduction.
Okay. So you’ve discovered some horrible personality trait or habitual behavior during your Trap Assessment that should not be inflicted on others of your gender or sexual orientation. As I ponder the execution of this step, it occurs to me that there are certainly plenty of options – from a drunken trip to the tattoo studio for the secret ink, to tagging the ear with your pre-registered Trapper number. I probably need to sort that bit out before wide release of TNR v1.1. All suggestions are welcomed.
Release
In theory, this should be the easy part; however, let’s remember what we’re dealing with here. There’s always the possibility that some of us might have to change our phone number, quit our job, or move to another state and assume an alias – so there’s that to consider before participating in this much needed social experiment.
Since you don’t want to send your newly neutered prey over the edge, I suggest implementing the liquor-lubricated band-aid Release methodology so as to delay any possible repercussions when you deliver back into the wild. No explanation for this action is required. If you’d care to offer up one though, might I suggest “it’s not me, it’s you.”
Once the bugs are worked out, I’m pretty sure that widespread use of TNR could be the next great advancement in dating. Ultimately, a National Registry with open online viewing access would be a useful tool, complete with a BOLO page for those slippery ones that get away without the requisite tagging.
*smiles contently*
How great to know that someone else has already determined a level of undesirable behavior or crazy significant enough to deem warning-worthy to the rest of the world. Of course, it’s subjective… I mean, one man’s crazy is another man’s delightfully kinky.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Meaning of Life According to M. Thurzo
*stares at blinking cursor on blank page*
*sighs*
People send me video clips. I don’t know why really, they just do. So while I’m very busy self-censoring, I thought I’d share this one… mostly because it was on top. It’s not that I don’t think you, Dear Reader, are worth rooting around for something hysterical – you totally are. But I’m feeling introspective since I’ve had to duct tape my mouth shut. I’m hoping during this period of forced silence I’ll get blind-sided by a ton of ridiculous thoughts I have to share. Until then, mull.
*sighs*
People send me video clips. I don’t know why really, they just do. So while I’m very busy self-censoring, I thought I’d share this one… mostly because it was on top. It’s not that I don’t think you, Dear Reader, are worth rooting around for something hysterical – you totally are. But I’m feeling introspective since I’ve had to duct tape my mouth shut. I’m hoping during this period of forced silence I’ll get blind-sided by a ton of ridiculous thoughts I have to share. Until then, mull.
Many thanks to Martin Thurzo
Monday, February 14, 2011
Heart This!
Ahh, Valentine's Day.
Cupids, flowers, singing telegrams, dinner reservations, last minute gifts, and sex. If ever a holiday were invented solely to make people feel bad about their relationship status, this is it.
From my single friends' perspective, I'm a traitor and a rat. For one day I am no longer "one of them." Men and women alike get that resentful glare/smile that makes me feel worse than the hours leading up to midnight on New Year's Eve. If you're single and don't want to be, perhaps you should assess your "bar." Or, find a new bar...
As for the "marrieds" - it's a ridiculous competition of who go what "little gift" from the Husband. They flit about showing off new diamonds or other precious gems and gushing about whatever else "the most wonderful man in the world" did.
*eyeroll*
Me thinks thou overstates...
Last year Mr. Man skipped this particular celebration. He claimed that he never believed in the Hallmark holidays. WHAT? Since when? This declaration forced me to my brassiere drawer where I'd stashed 7 years worth of Valentine's Day cards.
Factoid: approximately 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually worldwide. You'd think I coulda gotten at least one.
I'm still not sure why I got all riled up about it unless it was because once again the gold crown of Hallmark made sure that no matter how little regard I gave the date, I inevitably set myself up for disappointment. Admittedly, not as disappointed as the significant others of the victims of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, but frankly I blame prohibition for that mess. They shoulda seen it coming.
Cupids, flowers, singing telegrams, dinner reservations, last minute gifts, and sex. If ever a holiday were invented solely to make people feel bad about their relationship status, this is it.
From my single friends' perspective, I'm a traitor and a rat. For one day I am no longer "one of them." Men and women alike get that resentful glare/smile that makes me feel worse than the hours leading up to midnight on New Year's Eve. If you're single and don't want to be, perhaps you should assess your "bar." Or, find a new bar...
As for the "marrieds" - it's a ridiculous competition of who go what "little gift" from the Husband. They flit about showing off new diamonds or other precious gems and gushing about whatever else "the most wonderful man in the world" did.
*eyeroll*
Me thinks thou overstates...
Last year Mr. Man skipped this particular celebration. He claimed that he never believed in the Hallmark holidays. WHAT? Since when? This declaration forced me to my brassiere drawer where I'd stashed 7 years worth of Valentine's Day cards.
Factoid: approximately 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually worldwide. You'd think I coulda gotten at least one.
I'm still not sure why I got all riled up about it unless it was because once again the gold crown of Hallmark made sure that no matter how little regard I gave the date, I inevitably set myself up for disappointment. Admittedly, not as disappointed as the significant others of the victims of the St. Valentine's Day massacre, but frankly I blame prohibition for that mess. They shoulda seen it coming.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Yo y Mi Circunstancia (Me and My Circumstance)
A dear friend of mine shared this maxim recently and it really stuck. Here’s the gist, no one – and I mean no one – can actually understand your situation when you’re making the hard decisions. It’s you and your circumstances; not them and theirs.
I really hate the phrase “trust me” when someone is offering up their opinion or advice. Perhaps in their situation, the decision they made was right for them. But that does not automatically mean, should you find yourself in similar circumstances, that their course of action – or inaction – is right or appropriate for yours. You’re a completely different person with a completely different dynamic and energy.
Butt out.
It’s really none of your business.
You don’t exist in the circumstance.
I really hate the phrase “trust me” when someone is offering up their opinion or advice. Perhaps in their situation, the decision they made was right for them. But that does not automatically mean, should you find yourself in similar circumstances, that their course of action – or inaction – is right or appropriate for yours. You’re a completely different person with a completely different dynamic and energy.
Butt out.
It’s really none of your business.
You don’t exist in the circumstance.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Life Truths: A Guide to 2011
It's that time again... the time when I like to remind my readers that there are some things unavoidable; things which need to be addressed, managed and otherwise dealt with... or not.
It occurs to me that as we head into the new year full of our latest resolutions (aka personal promises which set us up for failure), it would be a good idea to re-arm with a few basic Life Truths on decorum and ownership. This, of course, is in effort not to repeat some of the more unsavory and sometimes tawdry moments witnessed last year.
That's it. An updated version of my annual reminder - in no particular order! Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere else to be.
It occurs to me that as we head into the new year full of our latest resolutions (aka personal promises which set us up for failure), it would be a good idea to re-arm with a few basic Life Truths on decorum and ownership. This, of course, is in effort not to repeat some of the more unsavory and sometimes tawdry moments witnessed last year.
- You are where you are because that, my friend, is where you put yourself. Do not blame your Higher Power, The Universe, or the people around you for your ill-conceived decisions.
- The Universe is trying to move you in the direction of your life path. Quit acting like you know everything. You don't. So how about you just go ahead and get out of your own way?
- Life is a "Bring Your Own Water Wings" affair so stop annoying the rest of us with your bitching about how you've been done oh-so-wrong and paddle already.
- Just because you want it does not mean it's yours to have.
- You always have a choice. Take the route that will make your grandmother proud.
- Yes. You're fat. I think I am, too. Now can we please stop having that conversation? Get off your ass and do something about it.
- Your true friends will say the things you don't want to hear because they love you... and because they have faith that you already know the truth.
- Beware false allies and those who try too hard. Therein you will one day discover ulterior motive.
- When saying no - to anyone for any reason - it absolutely is not necessary to offer an explanation.
- From Image Consultant and old friend, Beth Newman: "Do not participate in 'big, bad, bold behavior.'" It's unseemly and frankly, déclassé. http://www.newmanimage.info/
- Do not shampoo your hair every day - no matter what.
- Stop fighting The Universe and you'll stop making stupid mistakes.
- One minute of your time - especially when you don't "have" it - is worth hours to someone who needs it.
- Pay attention. This will solve almost all of your "problems."
- Take heed: a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
- People are going to talk. Your choice is whether or not to give them something to talk about!
- We all humiliate ourselves. Get over it. These are the stories of our life's winter.
- If you think any part of this (or my blog in general) is directed at you, it probably is... I just don't know it. Examine why you do.
- Do not lie. To me or yourself.
- Your behavior in all situations is 100% on you. Own it or change it. These are the only options.
- Ladies: If a man wants to be with you, he will always find a way to make that happen. I suppose the same can be said conversely.
- Choosing not to engage means forfeiting your right to defend yourself against what others say. Know that, ultimately, this is still the best course of action.
That's it. An updated version of my annual reminder - in no particular order! Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere else to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)