Random Thoughts IV

I haven’t done one of these in awhile so the timing seems right since I can’t think of anything else.

Here’s how it works… I sit here and stare at the blinking cursor for a bit.
I panic.
I pace.
I refill my coffee.
I change my shoes.
I change the music.
I repeat.

Eventually, a club soda bubble pops, the vodka escapes, and I’m off on a tangent of completely unrelated thoughts.

So. Let the cursor staring commence…
*cue elevator music*

Regarding My Day Job
I have to swipe my security badge five times to get to my desk. Five. Is that really necessary? We’re not curing cancer up in this piece.
That’s all I have on that…

Regarding My Night Job
*blink*
*reconsiders original thought*
And that’s all I have on that!

On Hot, Yet Stupid Men
So pretty… but really, what’s the point? While I’m on about that, shall we pause for a moment over “men” trying to be “boys?” It’s embarrassing.

Where AM I?
I was taking a fill-up at what is arguably the slowest gas pump in the Universe in what is without question one of the worst neighborhoods ever, when I looked up and saw a road sign across the street. Baltimore Left Lane; Philadelphia Right Lane. It struck me then; I really am in the middle of nowhere. Please send lipstick.

Here’s your dictionary…
Facebook is killing me.
You are judged by how you speak and how you write. I didn’t make this rule up. That’s just how it is. So if you feel compelled to be snarky, at least have the wherewithal to be grammatically correct about it. Then, and only then, is it funny and not just embarrassing for you. Along that same line, if you’re going to use foreign language words or colloquialisms, how about you Google what they mean first. That way when you respond to a comment – purely for example – using the word touché, you don’t confirm stupidity by using it so incredibly wrong, wrong, wrong. On the upside, the rest of us do appreciate the laugh, so there’s that.

Holidays and Exercise
Yes we should. No, we don’t. Please stop telling everyone you are when you so obviously are not.

Annual Evaluations
I’m hard at “work” on this ridiculous annual self-evaluation that campaigns as a “significant part of the determination regarding your bonus,” but in truth, is just pages and pages of bullshit someone wants to put in our “permanent file” since bonuses were determined months ago. Knowing this, and at the prompting of a manger-who-is-not-mine, my first attempt consisted of writing “I AM AWESOME” in every field. It was rejected. Clearly my manager didn’t see how well-rounded that submission was. So now I’m forced to shamelessly spell it out. *eyeroll* Self-promotion is not my thing… clearly.

Apparently there’s some weird expectation that am willing to use my powers for good today, so that’s all the randomness, kids. Hope you enjoyed the show. Go ride the rides.