You Can't Always Get What You Want

I was standing barefoot in the grass last night watching this crazy storm blow in – the likes of which I haven’t seen since I left Texas – and I got to thinking about wanting what we don’t have. Yeah, there was a long procession of thoughts that lead me there, starting with the storm, but this is where I landed.

Why are we disappointed when we finally get something we think we really want?

Mr. Man #1 spent all the years I knew him and more looking for a particular out of print book. I can’t believe that I don’t recall the title now since we never passed a used bookstore without popping in to check. It was about Thomas Jefferson…

Maybe we were in Boston, maybe New Orleans, maybe it was NYC or Victoria, B.C. I honestly don’t remember. What I do remember is the awe of finding a copy on a dusty bookshelf in some unexpected city. The only thing more unexpected was the half-sad expression on his face as he said, “Guess I need a new book to look for.” It broke my heart. Oh sure, it was his “thing,” but it felt a little bit like I’d been robbed of my joy by the bookstore owner.

This whole book remembrance, and the storm, and maybe the wine – all got me thinking about why we sometimes think we want something until we get it…As I see it, it ends up one of two ways:

We either get it, then no longer want anything to do with it; or we get it and we’re disappointed because, oh who knows why - we just are.

Expectations are at the bottom of all this, I just know it. We anticipate, fantasize, and project. We toy with the idea of what we want; dancing around it and building excitement – because that’s the fun part.

And then… the almost inevitable.

The moment of truth when you wonder why you ever thought you wanted it in the first place. I have this particular relationship with my house. The only real difference is that the house didn’t have a choice. Ever feel like the house?

I really don’t know where I was going with all of this. I have no words of wisdom, no snarky remarks about the weak-willed; not even a strong desire to mock those who can’t rein in their emotions. I have no intention of tossing out platitudes such as, “you need to learn to want and be happy with what you have,” and I will wholly ridicule anyone who tries. I find that sort of thinking short-sighted. Like mommy-haircuts.

At the end of the day, I suppose we all want something we can’t/shouldn’t/won’t ever have, so my new answer is not to become too invested. I do that – become overly invested in people, places, and things – your basic noun group. I think going forward my only investment will be in your basic liquid group. Yeah... you know what I'm sayin'.

*nods knowingly*