Retrosexual Man

I’m in love with the Retrosexual Man!
No, he’s not just a Metrosexual in a great hat. This is a man of the most Frank Sinatra and James Bond ilk. And much to the delight and breathlessness of women everywhere, he’s making a magnificent resurgence.

I think that in a world where men use course language as a matter of casual conversation, and picking up the check means somebody is “putting out” later, we could use an influx of good old-fashioned manliness - a Menaissance. Here’s my take on the whole thing.

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” ~ Clarence Thomas

Boys, include bedroom doors because I promise you, we don’t care how many degrees you have hanging on your office wall, if you act like a buffoon or lord your knowledge of French literature over a woman, you’re only locking yourself out in the hallway. Good manners - not just the “show” of manners - and the understanding that treating others with dignity and respect is the truest sign of a man in charge. And chicks dig that.

Every man should be able to save his own life… and mine. According to Earle Liederman in Endurance (1926):
“Every man should be able to save his own life. He should be able to swim far enough, run fast and long enough to save his life in case of emergency and necessity. He also should be able to chin himself a reasonable number of times, as well as dip a number of times, and he should be able to jump a reasonable height and distance.”

… or pay to have someone on call to take care of these things!

I’ve never been one of those ridiculous girls to get salty if a man holds a door, picks up a check, assists with a coat, or in any way treats me with the respect due a lady. Quite to the contrary, those gentlemen are held in very high regard, indeed. They’re not looking for my approval, and I’m not looking to be in a situation where I have to give it. They’re confident in who they are already, which means I’m not going to be expected to coo and ego-stroke.

The Retrosexual Man wears a suit that fits properly. His shoes are shined and in good repair. He’s showered, shaven, combed, and smells like a man… not like he just cruised the cologne counter at Bloomingdale’s for a date. He does not show up at the door in torn anything or with exposed toes. (The only exception to the sandal rule is if the destination is the beach or pool-side.)

He thinks before he speaks and he does so without the need for grand gestures or the kind of language that would get one expelled from school. At least not in mixed company! He doesn’t speak using filler words such as “like” or “ya know” or “um” because he knows that doing so implies he isn’t confident in what he’s saying. He commands a room quietly by placing his focus on other people instead of himself. He’s engaging. He’ll ask you to dance when no one else is; he knows how to take the lead. Honestly girls, isn’t it nice to not be in charge for awhile?

Those manly-men we love from old movies didn’t go for the weeping willow of a girl. Oh sure, he’d take her out, but he wasn’t looking to spend more than a few sweaty nights in her company. They were looking for the strong, independent, wise and sometimes wise-cracking gal who could hold her own, or hold her tongue – her decision.

Just so I’m clear, this Retrosexual Man movement isn’t about getting women barefooted and back into the kitchen. These men want us to keep what we worked for – it’s what they love about us. But I suspect the old adage, “there’s no such thing as a free lunch” does come into play. Though I haven’t found any of these gentlemen to say it out loud, it’s time to remember that there’s a feminine side to feminism. Take off your boyfriend-cut jeans and tank top, and slip into a pretty dress from time to time. Cover your ass crack and get rid of that muffin-top. Clean up your language and find a lipstick that suits you. Put your drama in a journal instead of using your outdoor voice in a crowded room. Learn to hold your liquor. Spend an afternoon with the Grand Matriarch of your family for a refresher course in charm and table manners. It’s a very small price to pay to spend time with a man of quality.

I suppose there will be some backlash from this movement but I suspect it’ll come from insecure women who believe their only power is in their title… whatever that might be.

Here’s my idea. How about instead of trying to turn men into women, we celebrate masculinity so we can quit losing our salon and manicure appointments to Guidos and the like. Let boys be boys. Remind men to be men. I think we have a real have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too opportunity, girls!



For those of you who looking to strike out for additional information, I beg of you to disregard this wildly personal and crazily macho dissertation called the Retrosexual Code of Ethics. Its self-serving, gun-waving, down-on-your-knees propaganda is a wreck. Instead, Google yourself a little Brett McKay or see him at WithLeather – a very guy-oriented “girls, t.v., and sports” site. Discover The Art of Manliness, though be advised that it’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek in my opinion.