Charge the paddles to 300!
Our language is DYING!!!
I’m starting to wonder if there is a “Do Not Resuscitate” posted on the English language. Between reality television and corporate America “inventing” words and phrases that mean nothing, I’m beginning to think that we’ve dropped so far below the bar it’s soon going to be impossible for me to order a martini.
I learned this communication device we call the English language in schools whose (not who’s) focus was on something other than sports and teen pregnancy. I’m not blaming our educational system for all of it. I’d like to take this opportunity to blame disengaged parenting and crap television. I point my finger in the direction of corporate communications “specialist” who hears someone use a phrase or metaphor that “sounds” like it’s right, then proceeds to repeat it incessantly until such time as others decide it must be right, too. Case in point:
“…the below table…”
Um. Are you kidding me? Who graduated you from college? The afore-referenced should always read: “… the table below…” Shame on you for calling yourself a professional.
It is with much cynicism and sarcasm that I’ve compiled the Top 10 words and phrases that aggravate me most - in no particular order, just the way they popped up... which may or may not be meaningful. This is by no means exhaustive, as that would require an entire month of entries. No, these are just the ones that make me bristle the hardest.
#1 “I could care less”
Really? Could you? Then perhaps you should! If you don’t care about something then it stands to reason, and a modicum of word usage comprehension, that you could not care less.
#2 “Th” and “F” are not the same sound.
Unless you’re under the age of five, don’t have all of your teeth, or are being treated for a speech impediment, how about speaking and spelling like a grown-up. "Birfday" is not a word.
#3 “For all intensive purposes”
I don’t even know what that means. What exactly is an intensive purpose? Pretty sure what you’re trying to say is “intents and purposes.” See? Doesn’t that sound more like what you meant?
#4 Simply put…
Than = comparison
Then = time
"Jane determined that pears were less expensive at Safeway than at Kroger, then set off to make her purchase."
#5 Ax
An ax is a yard tool, not a request. I suppose there’s a case to be made for “getting the ax,” - as in being fired… but that’s not a request either.
#6 Coming in as a group:
- Your is not the same as you’re. Your: showing possessive ownership. You’re: you are.
- Their, they’re, and there: the first is possessive; the second means “they are”; the third is a place. How about not making me read something three times because I have no idea what it is you’re writing.
- We’re and were: This one defies explanation. We’re = we are; were is past tense for where you once existed. Geez, they’re not even close, People!
- Its vs it’s: It’s not that confusing. “Its” is a possessive pronoun, like “his.” It’s is the contraction for “it is”…pretty easy to identify what with the apostrophe and all.
See how two words can be squished together? That’s called a compound word. That’s what cannot is. One word, People! Not two.
#8 The Preposition
Some people say it’s okay – by virtue of the fact that the practice has run rampant and there’s no stopping it – but I still hold on to the old school rule of NOT ending a sentence with a preposition. It’s very simple: say the sentence in your head. If the meaning doesn’t change, then drop the preposition.
Example:
Where are you at? *shudders so hard hair stands up*
Where are you? Apparently I’m in remedial English class.
#9 Woulda Coulda Shoulda
… used the word “have,” not “of.” If you're reaching for the contraction, "would've" then you should first be aware of what it means: would have.Would of? Could of? Should of? Should have figured out by now that bastardizing the language makes people question the intelligence of the speaker/writer.
#10 e.g. versus i.e.
Dear corporate writers, copywriters, writers of all kind:
I’m embarrassed for all of us collectively when some of you don’t use this very basic abbreviation correctly. It’s even worse when you combine them as though they’re interchangeable. I’ll do it slowly for those of you who slept through this class:
exempli gratia: e.g.
There’s your acronym. Latin meaning: for example… an actual example of something by name.
Id est: i.e.
And your acronym again. Latin meaning: that is. We use it when we’re referring to a type of something, but not a specific thing. Please copy this onto a sticky note for future reference.
There are so, so many more, and that’s before we even start on punctuation. As native speakers we should have a better handle on our own language. We want every immigrant to learn it – which I wholly support; my question is how? Thank The Universe that the toddlers still have Sesame Street because parents either can’t or won’t conjugate a verb properly.
*sighs*
Break out the white sheet, and book the small church. No one is even going to notice when our language is officially dead…
A lot of this stuff bothers me when it's in written form- but in simple conversation??? Chill the fuck out.
ReplyDeleteWell said! This is a great compilation of some of the more annoying language offenses. I blame it on business people as opposed to educators, running our schools. More time is spent on paperwork and regulations than actual teaching. The illiterate are now raising the next generation of illiterates!
ReplyDeleteyou have to appreciate that all languages change. the language you were taught at school may not be the same language people use today. i dont think you have any right to suggest that the language you use is greater than anyone else's. RC
ReplyDeleteJana, you'll find that most of the whiners, in this comments section, will be those that abuse these rules the most. There's nothing like a wounded ego to cause someone to lash out.
ReplyDeleteFinally, a blog entry about which I care!
ReplyDeleteI agree with some people that language changes with time, but there's a difference between "change" and "weakness". You might call the transformation of "yes" to "yeah" a "change", but calling the inability to differentiate between "it's" and "its" a change is a silly thing because they are two different words that serve different meanings!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a native speaker so I can't judge everything. I just found the whole thing interesting.
Some of these I agree with, such as #6, but in other cases you should probably chill out and come to terms with the fact that language changes over time.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am distinctly offended by #2 (although I myself am not guilty of it). When there are countries on every continent but South America whose official language is English, and each of those countries contains a wide variety of accents--when the word "are" can be pronounced "ahh" (English) "oar" (Irish) or "arr" (American), how can you get off insulting people's minor pronunciation differences?
Grammer nazi
ReplyDeleteAre you making a 'case' AND a 'point'? Otherwise, you know it's 'case in point', right? Point being, we slip up frequently when we talk, write, express ourselves and as long as the other person gets what I am saying, I could NOT care less. I don't want to live in a world where I have to be fearful of the judgement I will incur should I use a word or apostrophe incorrectly. It's too much to endure for one clueless soul (me) who enjoys conversating with others without the grammar Nazi dragging me away. But I see your point. And your case has been made. LOL
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I do endorse the banning of and public flogging for the use of such words as 'yum', 'yummy', 'yums' and all it's other forms. I hate it! It's like nails on a chalkboard. Oh, and 'freakin'. Just grow up and say the word! You meant it, so say it! It's the cutesy-ims that get me riled up.
Nope LJ, it's a point in support of the case.
ReplyDeleteu no u r rite!
ReplyDeleteme luvs ur post.
I am SO enjoying the misspelled use of grammar, in the "grammer nazi" post made by one of many "Annonymous" posters, I may not get past it's afterglow to add anything else.
ReplyDeleteNo...wait...I will.
I personally blame the internet. There, I said it. Followed by texting. It created this "whole new" pretend language of abbreviations, acronyms and the fact that "to" is SO much more time-consuming to type than the number 2. (where's that sarcasm font??).
Anyway...I loathe it, hate it, ...want it out-lawed, but as long as stupid teenagers with texting capabilities on their phones are alive (the teenagers, not the phones, necessarily), we will be subjected to their eventual adult selves typing such classics as, "Hey how r u, where u at 2day, i wanted to ax you a ?".
Further, I think I'm in love...another post also credited to an "Anonymous", is the following, and I quote..." i dont think you have any right to suggest that the language you use is greater than anyone else's."
I would gently point out that she's not suggesting a DIFFERENT language here (as in "her's" is greater than...). It's ALL English, all the time. Just much of it is unrecognizable.
For those delicate souls who commented above about being offended, I counter your offense with the suggestion to learn your NATIVE LANGUAGE. Note I said native. If you were born here, went to school here, and English is your FIRST language (past the age of say 5, if you are originally from elsewhere), you have ZERO excuses for not knowing the VERY basic items listed above.
Is it our fault, those who were paying attention in Mrs. Spencer's first grade class, that you opted to eat paste in a corner instead? Why is it less offensive that are we subjected to tilting out moniters sideways and shaking them like an Etch-A-Sketch, cursing the lack of an Illiterate-To-English dictionary existence, to figure out what the hell you're talking about?!
Anyhoo (not a word)...I salute you, fair blogger, for putting this out there. It won't help, but your valiantly throwing yourself on the English language sword is noted, and appreciated! :-)
Along the lines of #2: The word is Valentine, not Valentime. That one always pisses me off.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you at? *shudders so hard hair stands up*
ReplyDeleteYou ended with a preposition.
Also, you're looking at English prescriptively and implying that the Standard American Dialect is in some way superior to other dialects.
Wow. I read all of the comments and I feel bad for you. Obviously some people who read this didn't ACTUALLY READ it before they got all riled up. Or maybe I'm just smarter than they are. I like the one where they didn't realize you were making a point about prepositions and then tried to be glib. I think it's really funny and you make great points. High five to Ray and Marti G., too.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I have to agree with all the points you bring forth in this post. I view (and have had people tell me on a few occasions) that I am a "Grammar Nazi".
ReplyDeleteWhen people mispronounce words (#2) or use the slang of "Ax" in reference to a question, I feel the corners of my eyes twitch and it's almost all I can do without telling them to go look up the word in a dictionary to see how it is pronounced.
Frankly, I'm glad that you've posted this because a lot of people don't really seem to give a damn anymore. Thank you for posting something for those of us who do care.
Quote - "A lot of this stuff bothers me when it's in written form- but in simple conversation??? Chill the fuck out."
ReplyDeleteThe individual who posted this comment has a brain malfunction. Not only does he assume his use of the English language is of the highest quality, he also thinks there is a difference between spoken and written failure.
You don't understand the message of this post at all child, go back to day care where they should remember to hit you in the head, anywhere between 40 to 50 times a day.
I think what's disingenuous about this argument is that you aren't making it explicitly clear whom your readership should be trying to impress. For a (I assume) white, upscale fellow such as yourself, using 'ax' for 'ask' is a clear indicator that the speaker doesn't belong to your group. And obversely, to some urban cultures, speaking in Standard Written English is a sign of pretension; in both cases, language is used to identify those not in the group.
ReplyDeleteMy point being that #5's rhetoric seems painfully elitist. I too judge people by their locution when they speak to me, but to say that 'ax' isn't a viable signifier in their dialect is presumptuous.
Marti G.: The truth is that English isn't uniform throughout the country. I, for one, grew up with "y'all" and "where's it at", which I still use proudly w/ my childhood friends. What I'm gently suggesting here is the existence of dialects.
Though I do have a rather substantial set of "balls" I've never actually been mistaken for a "fellow." I wonder if that's a reflection of my writing style, or this particular first-time reader's over-enthusiasm to comment.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous: as my loyal reader's are painfully aware, I am from the South. I speak with an accent and have been well known to write with one. The point of this particular blog is that, irrespective of your upbringing, knowing how to employ the use of proper English is crucial if one plans to be taken seriously... by employers or peers. And of course, it is my blog; I give air to my pet peeves. Thank you for your comments! Enjoy the rest of my writing! J~
Dialects or no, it should be remembered that we each are speaking( or in some cases attempting to speak) English, regardless of the slang we have been raised with, repeated usage does NOT make it correct. and despite your ethnic or other variations on the language, a person will still be judged by the language they use, both spoken and written, Yes certain dialects are more proper to use with certain people, just as long as one knows the proper way to speak, and uses it when appropriate
ReplyDeletePeople like this Jana person who proclaim themselves heralds of the English language are wolves in sheep's clothing, who do more damage than good with their linguistic bigotry and ignorance of language change and, indeed, even the basic mechanics of phonology and the history of our language (for example, the pronunciation "ax" is very well attested and goes back hundreds and hundreds of years -- just look at the OED sometime).
ReplyDeleteI will fight anyone who makes the inherently wrongheaded statement that the English language is doing anything like "dying."
Thanks for reading, Frank! Your thoughts and opinions are always welcome here!
ReplyDelete(See comment above. Shhh, Frank doesn't know that he's not really hiding. *giggles*)
typical linguistic prescriptivists. Language changes. Always has, always will. You can complain about it, but it's still going to happen, might as well enjoy the diversity that is being created.
ReplyDeleteYou are neither the first nor the last to claim that the English language is "dying" in one way or another, but the fact of the matter is that it is currently evolving much in the same way it has been over the past few centuries of its existence as a spoken tongue. While I certainly agree that some of these common "mistakes" ought to be avoided for the sake of clarity at the very least, others can do without such pedantic, stringent enforcement.
ReplyDeleteThe most egregious of these blindly stringent enforcements is the claim that we should all write "cannot" instead of "can not." The phrase "can not" has as much right to be joined together as the phrases "may not" and "might not" and "will not"; the only readily apparent distinction between the phrase "can not" and these latter phrases is that there is no common consonant between the words to be conveniently fused together. That's right: the phrase "cannot" was forged not to reflect an alteration in meaning; rather, it is a reflection of how it is spoken. People just kept saying the phrase as "cannot" because it sounded better, so eventually it entered our vernacular thusly written. Who is to say that the proper rendering of "cannot" should be defended to the death, while saying "ax" instead of "ask" is to be avoided at all costs? Effectively, you are still perpetuating the so called "degradation" of our language in the same manner as the internet and television which you so lament.
I am equally annoyed by the claim that prepositions never belong at the end of sentences. In the words of Winston Churchill, "this is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put." Really, I can hardly see what all the fuss is about. This so called "rule" doesn't stand to add clarity. In fact, it often detracts from it. This is another rule which originates from a misplaced longing for the "Latin roots" of English, since Latin (which, unlike English, IS a dead language and has been for a while) maintains this convention.
As for the other complaints, some are more pedantic than others, but at least they can be argued to exist for the sake of "clarity." I sympathize most with the outrage over "I could care less," which is more an infringement of basic logic than grammar.
Thank you. You just listed my pet hates. I'm eighteen, so you can imagine my frustration at the fact that my peers either can't spell, use "text language", or just have no idea what an apostrophe is. Glad to know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteAh, young reader you touch my heart, and frankly, force me to believe that there really are those following in my footsteps - which gives me great pleasure!
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE NOT ALONE! Remember, you don't have to adhere to all of the rules all of the time, but you must know the difference when it counts!
http://www.stephenfry.com/2008/11/04/dont-mind-your-language%E2%80%A6/
ReplyDelete"Its vs it’s: It’s not that confusing. “Its” is a possessive pronoun, like “his.” It’s is the contraction for “it is”…pretty easy to identify what with the apostrophe and all."
ReplyDeleteI think, for the sake of making at least one portion of the English language regular, that this should be changed.
In EVERY other instance of English, 's, or just ' is used to indicate possession. i.e. The dog's bone, Charles' hat, etc. The exception to the rule is the indefinite article, it, where the possessive, as you show, is "its".
I think that, should humans have any shred of insight, the context should dictate the meaning of "it's" in a sentence. It doesn't take much to figure out which type of "it's" you're using.
_Example_
She is relieved that it's allowed to do that. (Is it "It is allowed to do that", or is being allowed a quality that "it" possesses?)
hey jana you put an apostrophe in the wrong spot. l3rn 2 typ3 n00b.
ReplyDeleteand now for a real opinion, being typed for a purpose other than to make people angry.
i am, like a previous poster, a young member of this texting generation, and i just want to make a few points.
capitalization- is it really necessary to change a letter to let people know that you just started a sentence? in casual typing conversation i simply leave it out for the comfort of not having to hit two keys at once. call me lazy, but i really dont see a point. as long as a period is being used, that should suffice, unless you feel like youre writing to someone who is not going to meet you before deciding if youre qualified for something.
as for axing people questions- i personally dont like it, but only because i see no real reason for the change. "ask" is easy enough to say, and turning it into a word that already exists seems useless and only adds confusion. with that being said, if you grew up with everyone around you saying it, i see no reason that you should go out of your way to change your dialect, although doing so might alleviate some prejudices associated with that pronunciation (as to why pronunciation is spelled that way, i also have no idea) when not speaking to someone from your area.
as to "is english dying"- to the people who hold this belief, the english that you speak is not english as it was originally. go grab an original copy of a shakespeare script, and see how it compares to how you speak. do you know why it's different? because there is no reason that "ff" should sound like the "s" in "snake." all language is constantly evolving to suit those who speak it. it only makes sense that language should change to add clarity or colloquial meaning to any given speaker's words. for years i was adamantly against the spoken use of the "word" lol. until i realized that it works better in some situations than a normal expression, especially if the content "lold" at had something to do with internet humor. as for the people that use it at the end of any sentence they write, (especially when they capitalize every letter. LOL) i feel like they should find something else, but then again, they mostly use it to communicate to people who speak the same way, so it's really not that big of a deal.
what i do find disturbing is when people get angry when what they write is looked down upon in a situation that calls for "proper" language. as i said before, within a resume, or talking to grandpa, or writing a senator, such lax language is uncalled for. you are communicating with someone who is not going to extract as much meaning as you would like them to, and they are going to judge you not for who you are, but for how your regular, unchecked communication appears to them. it's the same thing as if someone came up to you and said $$Hhh477f7h fuyhds8 GFRUU889!!! and expected you to treat them with respect, and understand what they were trying to say.
so, for the record- learning "proper" english (or any language you expect to be speaking) is important, as people need some sort of standardized way of making sure they can communicate with people who say they are speaking the same language. with that being said, say whatever the fuck you want when youre talking to people who are going to understand you if you talk funny, but shut the fuck up if you want someone else to take you seriously
All~
ReplyDeleteI rarely respond to comments, I merely post them. That said, if you cannot keep your language in check - meaning make a point without employing the use profanity - going forward I will delete your comment without apology. After all, what are we discussing here if appropriate word use? I have never claimed to be the All Knowing Oracle of Language; I am not. This is only one of many posts surrounding things I find annoying. No one is forcing your to read it, agree with it, or comment on it. Move along, people! There's no show here.
sorry, i honestly didnt know it was unacceptable. i was debating leaving it out, but i saw it posted above with nobody complaining and figured i could use it to get some attention or something.
ReplyDeletehave a good day!
Awww, Troll! No worries! You were not overly offensive (IMHO). It's just become epidemic, the course language in commenting on THIS particular entry.
ReplyDeleteI take issue with bloggers who selectively post comments. My approach is to post them all or post none. I'm not the most "family friendly" blogger, but I can generally refrain from being overly abrasive! :)
Thanks for reading!
J~
Stuff like this is how language evolves. What's the point of trying to fight it? Although I agree, some of these things can really be a glaring indicator that you're slightly uneducated in the traditional sense, language is about communication, not arbitrary rules that our 4th grade grammar teacher tried to burn into the back of our skulls. Think about it - don't end a sentence with a preposition? Why not? Just because that's the rule? In fact, this isn't real grammar at all. Pick up a syntax textbook and you might find some pretty interesting stuff about the actual underlying structure that allows us to interpret and create language.
ReplyDeleteCannot or can not. Either is correct. Also, i.e. literally means "that is" - it's a reiteration of what you just said (i.e. you're paraphrasing for explanation or clarification). Giving an example, no matter how broad or narrow, would still fall under e.g.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, rather than spending your time ranting about people's poor usage of a language, you could constructively tutor people at an impressionable age. Language is an ever-changing and developing tool based on popular word association, and therefore only evolve, not die. Otherwise, please continue using English as you wish, be lenient toward everyone else, and just let time tell who is "right."
That being said, I agree with you one hundred percent about using language in a clearly obfuscating way. Language is meant to communicate ideas, and when it fails to do that, it is clearly broken.
http://itssmokeandmirrors.blogspot.com/2010/07/malapropism.html
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