Quelle Surprise!

It’s a well-known fact amongst my friends that I do not like to be surprised.

I’ve said many times it’s because I’m always wearing the wrong shoes. Some people think that’s my way of deflecting attention; others wonder how it’s possible that with upwards of 70 pair of shoes, I could possibly be caught in the “wrong” ones. Coincidence? Perhaps. Nonetheless, statistically proven.

When I got engaged the first time, I was wearing hiking boots. The second time: Sketchers, little boy’s size 3. I was the unexpected guest of honor at a party a couple of years ago… in clogs. Clogs! I might as well been wearing flip-flops or Crocs! The list goes on and on.

There’s just one other little thing about surprises…

I’m a bit of a control freak. No, I’m definitely not all-crazy-gotta-be-in-the-middle-of-everything. In fact, I’d much rather not be in the middle of anything! However, when I’m involved with an occasion of importance, I want it done right. This means that I’ll do it all myself, or request the assistance of a very small group of “like-minded” people to help. Admittedly, I’m just now learning how to ask for help with anything… and it still doesn’t sit right… Even so, I’m trying to let go and trust the other freaks like me who refuse to let anything get fucked up and appreciate the importance of sticking to a plan.

I was watching something on the T.V. over the weekend and that commercial for eHarmony came on. You know the one where the personality traits fade in and out while we watch two well-paid actors talk about how lucky they are to have filled out that questionnaire? Well, up pops the word “spontaneous.” I frowned then said out loud and with full conviction to no one but the dogs, “I’m spontaneous!” Followed by, “No I’m not. I used to be…”

I continued my conversation with the dogs as I meandered to the kitchen. “I like a plan. It doesn’t have to be concrete, but I certainly need a general schedule of events. There’s nothing wrong with that! It’s totally normal and grown-up. After all, I can’t be whisked off to another country if I don’t have my passport with me! And I can’t very well sashay into a 5-star restaurant in shredded Levi’s."

"I’m sure I don’t understand what the whole surprise thing is all about anyway. Just makes people look awkward and feel uncomfortable…” The puppies wagged their tails in total agreement. Or for cheese. Tough call.

Now, I confess that I do love to surprise other people. But that’s totally different... because I’m thoughtful and I’d never make someone look like an ass in public. For instance, if I were throwing a surprise party, I would subtly ensure that the guest of honor was aware that “party clothes” would be a good idea for whatever pretense being used to get to the event, if that were necessary. I would not let a girlfriend show up in sweats and flip-flops, or a boy-friend roll up in sneakers and ratty jeans.

So here’s a well-worn bit of etiquette to put into practice: if you know a surprise is coming, treat it like the secret it is! A soon-to-be bride does not want her proposal ruined by you. A party should not be revealed because you need to prove you’re “in the know.” A runaway vacation will be less thrilling if you’re dropping hints, making innuendo, or insinuating that you’re privy to a clandestine event! You want to be an important part of something? Make sure your friend is wearing the right shoes.