Everybody Talk Talk

Yes. The rumors are true.

And?

And… if I’ve learned nothing else in this life it’s that someone else’s story is not mine to tell.

I live in “Horse Country.” That’s what the locals call it in an effort to make it sound more glamorous than it is. As far as I’m concerned you can call it Utopia, it’s still just a giant vortex of bored gossip where flip-flops are considered appropriate party footwear. I am unquestionably a Big City Girl, so you can imagine the profound effect this has had on my lifestyle… not to mention my wardrobe and my psyche…

Admittedly, Big City living can be somewhat like Small Town living, but with actual options. In a city filled with millions of people, you create several small towns of your own. You have your circle of immediate friends, your peripherals, the bars and restaurants you frequent, your health club, your workplace. Whether they overlap occasionally, or the sides touch regularly, they’re still very separate. This inspires a sense of anonymity; thus people are prone to just mind their own lives instead of interjecting themselves into the lives of others.

And you have more choices for take-away meals, which is nice.

In a Small Town there is absolutely no sense of privacy and very little to do after the beer store closes. This is a dangerous combination. A powder keg next to an open flame, I tell you!

In an effort to protect other City Girls from the horror of adapting to forced country living unprepared, I thought perhaps I’d just provide a bit more insight on what to expect.

When you’re the new girl in a Small Town, you will experience the phenomenon of being immediately Loved or Shunned for no apparent reason. Rest assured, there is a reason and it’s based on absolutely nothing more than what can be seen. This can be a little unnerving, but let it go. Ulterior motives are in play and it’s not really about you.

Should you find yourself in the position of being “Loved” by people you don’t know, acknowledge it for exactly what it is: an effort to collect all available information so They can decide whether or not you’re a threat to their little world. You know, lock up the Husbands and institute a curfew for anything with a penis.

If you’re Shunned, might I suggest staying that way and getting a hobby. I promise you that even the civic committees and organizations are never thrilled to see someone with those new-fangled, modern ideas show up to help.

Their Decision and Your Position in the “grand” hierarchy of Small Town is based on your look, your presence, and whether or not you innately possess the capacity to slip effortlessly down to a personal low of stereotyping, criticizing, abusing those of whom you’re jealous, and can employ unimaginative methods for ruining the lives of others.

Needless to say, I didn’t fare so well. I failed Busybody; I couldn’t master Ruination; and sadly I was completely inept when it came to actually giving a rat’s ass about what people did with their lives if I wasn’t directly and specifically involved.

I’ve pontificated on this topic before and people probably wonder why I don’t just collect my belongings, and head to a place where I can reclaim my privacy and a sense of civility. *sighs* Honestly, I wonder the same thing. Apparently my work here isn’t done because The Universe isn’t letting me have any part of reclaiming my life. When that day comes, I’m sure a number of the locals will relish the opportunity to help me pack.

In the meantime, might I suggest choosing your gossip wisely? You’d be surprised what people “know.”