Speak No Evil!

“The opposite of courage in our society isn’t cowardice, it’s conformity.” ~ Rollo May

I’m not going to pretend like I don’t partake in some juicy gossip sessions with my girls from time to time. It’s true that on occasion we’ll sit about with glasses of wine and vodka, speculating about people for hours. It’s horrible and juvenile and I’ll admit, occasionally a bit mean-spirited, but have you ever laughed harder than when you’re wildly creating random conjuncture about people, situations, or hook-ups?

Believe it or not, I do actually have two rules about gossip.

1. You just don’t air people’s real life personal business on the street. If someone confided in you, you must respect that confidentiality. Only the rudest of the rude would pursue information after you've plainly stated, “It’s not my story to tell.”

There’s no power in other people’s pain. Putting the real life crisis of another person out for all the neighbors to chat over the hedge about is not just in unspeakably poor form. It speaks volumes about the person doing the telling. This is the same person who generally takes obvious delight in the unfortunate circumstances of others. Sadly, don’t we all know one of those?

*shakes head*

For me, the second rule is like telling the bartender not to waste valuable liquor space with that lime – something that must be said:

2. “He/she is my friend. I really need you not to talk ugly, spread vicious gossip, or carry on like this in front of me. And yes, it does make me wonder what you say about me behind my back. Surely you can understand that.”

This takes the courage of non-conformity because I’ll tell you what, it does not always go over well. Sure, you have the choice to just suck it up and sit quietly while others degraded your friend; to try to change the subject, or to walk away. Anyone can do that – it’s spineless. The true test of a person’s character can readily be seen in the face of adversity. Do you excuse yourself to go to the bar, or do you have the balls to speak up?

The only people who can truly speak to whatever story is on Today’s Top Ten are the people who were actually there when the gossip-inciting incident occurred. Not the best friend, not the neighbor, not the guy lurking in the bushes. You want to bounce around a theory? Who can blame you! Just don’t try to pass it off as fact.

Besides, we all know the only person who knows the whole truth about anything is your bartender!