Color Conundrum

"She's got a lip ring and five colors in her hair
Not into fashion but I love the clothes she wears,
Her tattoo's always hidden by her underwear.
She don't care." ~ McFly

It’s true that if you leaf through my writing, you’ll find more than one snarky remark about blondes. I should clarify before going any further that those always refer to women who bleach their hair blonde, and are not so much directed at those born with the soon-to-be extinct color.

Here’s the question: could coloring your hair blonde, when your natural color so obviously is not, really change your personality? Or do you just pretend to be stupid in order to fit in with the rest of the blonde pack? For no apparent reason, I got to wondering if maybe I was just buyin’ what someone was sellin’ for the sake of a laugh…

With this in mind I gathered my courage and began the 3 phases of change:

1. I decided I would take the plunge – albeit VERY temporarily – into Blondedumb…umm… Blonde-dom
2. I told a friend what I was planning
3. I made the appointment with my hairdresser

Nothing left to do but sit back, wait, and mull.

At one time or another, my hair has been every color found in nature – and some that are not. Through it all I can honestly say I’ve never, ever had any desire or even whimsical curiosity to venture into Blonde-dom. Why would I? It appears to be full already, and I understand the grammar there is abhorrent.

Ouch! See? That’s what I’m talking about... unnecessarily mean.

I remember a girlfriend’s mom saying once that, “a man looks once at a pretty blonde, but twice at a pretty brunette.” In an effort to be somewhat scientific about confirming this idea, I decided to find myself a cozy spot somewhere to watch. I was utterly intrigued. In addition to confirming the original hypothesis, some other interesting reactions were observed.

I noticed an obvious blonde-to-fake-boob ratio that held the attention of most men for an extra moment, but it was rare to catch one over the age of 18 turning around for a second look. More dark-haired women seemed to be exercising which garnered a good amount of attention; and an even higher number of brunettes seemed to be pushing strollers. Now, I don’t know if that last bit is hot or not, but I noted it as fact all the same. I couldn’t really identify what men do with the redheads among us; maybe red hair is more a fetish thing.  Nevertheless, I still thought whole experiment was very interesting, and the wine was extraordinary.

I wonder if, then how many, personality traits can truly be pinned on hair color. I have a blonde sibling who doesn’t have the sense her God gave a stump. A dear boy-friend of mine is dating this girl who is so fake blonde and acts like such a ridiculous dim-wit, I suspect one day I may actually slap her solely for perpetuating stereotype. (See! That’s me sticking up for the naturally blonde among you!) Brunettes are said to be the most sensual; redheads have a fiery disposition. Whether it’s all right or all wrong, those stereotypes started somewhere. I can live with people thinking I’m “fiery” (read: quick-tempered or sharp of tongue). Actually, I can live with people thinking just about anything based on how I look. But what I absolutely could not possibly accept, is being thought vacuous.

Pending blonde status update:

1. Came to senses
2. Cancelled hair appointment with all due speed
3. Poured cocktail

Whew. Crisis averted.

I suppose we all have a preference, for ourselves and for the opposite gender. I love to look at blonde boys, but every relationship has been with a brunette… with the notable exception of the brunette who regularly colored his hair blonde. Yeah. Don’t ask, People… just let it go.

“What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!”