"Spirit move me, every time I'm near you. Whirling like a cyclone in my mind..."
~ Barry Manilow
Don't judge my Barry Manilow lyric recitation. Everyone has an artist they're embarrassed to admit to knowing every lyric to every song said artist ever performed. Besides, I didn't post it as a jumping off place for ridicule - though I am rather in the mood for that. No, I opened with Barry because I miss that feeling. I miss that excitement. I miss the feeling of missing someone when we're apart. I miss the feeling of anticipation!
Some would say it's simply relationship evolution. They'd be right. It is. I've certainly been in enough of them to recognize the signs. In a drunken conversation with a girlfriend recently, she confessed to wishing she was through all of the "excitement" and moving squarely into where I am. In her head, the "security" of marriage is 1000% preferable to the waiting and wondering.
*sigh* *eyeroll*
wtf... It's as if no one even reads me when I type... *shakes head in exasperation*
Even married, you will wait... and wonder... and suspect... and usually you'll be wrong but sometimes you'll be right. The only measurable difference is in the amount of laundry under foot and general disarray in your life.
Oh sure, for some the element of romance will live a lovely married life... for awhile. Frankly, I think marriage is overrated. It's really just a pot commitment and a fuckin' hassle to get out of. Sheer laziness keeps most of them alive. What? You don't want to believe me? Well, you watch too much television.
I think the true test of a relationship is how long you'll do the work to stay together when it's still so easy to walk away. How hard will you work at something that isn't mandatory? I love the idea of being in a relationship with someone who's there because they want to be; not because during a multi-month bender and associated whirlwind of newness, the choice was removed.
I haven't always been cynical on this topic. I used to be a believer in lasting romance, and marriage, and being a part of something bigger than one's self. BA! It's all bullshit perpetuated by glamorous actors appearing in slick programming designed to make you feel so shitty about yourself that you stay secreted away at home watching the television, thus making their sponsors happy and lining everyone's pocket except your own. You go to bed believing that tomorrow is The Day your life is going to become full of joy de vie, flowers and singing birds... but first you need to dash out for that age defying moisturizer, or new Blackberry, or whatever else it is you're lacking that stands between you and your ultimate happiness.
Wow. This is not where I anticipated going when I typed Barry's lyric. Somewhere in this disorganzed wreck of writings, I penned something about romance once. Oh right! It's "Don't Judge..." from March '09. What a difference half of a year makes...
*sighs*
I miss romance...
I love that song.. I'm a huge Manilow aficionado, myself, always have been. I enjoy songs - and lyrics in particular - which speak to me, or through me. One of my favorite lines was this:
ReplyDelete"When I gave you time to make up your mind,
You turned you back on me,
And now I've got to turn my back on you."
Powerful stuff.
Will write more later... or post in my blog. You made me think, which is NEVER a good thing. Remember the Great Frog Migration of 1984? That was the last time I was thinking. Nothing good ever comes of that for me!
Dear Jana~
ReplyDeleteI miss you too! I have been wanting to bring the subject up but every time I think I've gotten the courage to do so, something always distracts me. The bustle of a life lived, drunken parties with friends, never ending work loads, mundane chores or simply laziness. I know, I should be more astute and guess when I might be welcomed if I showed up but it makes me nervous. What if I show up unannounced and no one notices? Or what if I appear with a grand gesture only to be scoffed at and ridiculed? It's happened before. How about we make a date to meet again? You can wear that outfit I like (you know the one) and I'll be waiting. I miss it when you make a big deal over nothing and cook me something you know I like or when you wake up extra early to make me pancakes before you start your percolator. (Still can't figure why you don't just use the drip machine but it's one of the things I love about you the most. You are old-fashioned at heart) I will admit that I have been remiss and that's all on me. If you reach out, I'll grab on to you. For old times sake. We have too much to lose to let 'us' pass each other by. Barry is right. We need the magic...at last.
Love always,
Romance
I miss romance, too. It got lost somewhere, in between work and schedules and house and family. I used to think that it took 'work' to make a good marriage, and that if one worked 'hard enough' at it, all would be well. But that's not it at all. It takes two people each putting the other person first - their needs, their desires - even ahead of our own. One person can't do it alone, no matter how hard they try.
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous, though. I lost my belief in the magic years ago, and a part of me HATES that; the part that lies dead or dormant was alive, innocent, carefree.
Too many of us chase happiness by reaching for that moisturizer, Blackberry, or pay raise.. In the immortal words of Denis Leary: "Happiness is a chocolate chip cookie, a five-second orgasm, a cigarette. It's moments." It's not a way of life. We hope those moments come courtesy of the one we love, or at the very least while we are in their presence; but that's probably the limit of our control.
Yanno...this interested me. Mostly because most people won't admit to any of it. I always say I am retired from dating, and thus far, that's the truth. Maybe it's because I had that "one true love"....I know it's out there, so I am content with just that. Everything else requires energy I am certain I don't have anymore.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am frigging old(er) and tired and the very idea of sitting across a dinner table telling my old stories to someone new makes me want to gouge out my own eyes with a fork.
Dear Romance~
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me you were dead... It's good to know you've just been busy.
So, um, I'll be there... or here... or on the look-out for you in any case.
I'm really excited to see you again...
J~