This can't be happening to just me...
Lately I've been getting these random Facebook, LinkedIn, Classmates.com messages from people I haven't thought about in what feels like a bazillion years. Interestingly, it seems like more and more they're from boys. Boys I may or may not have dated during a previous life phase.
I don't know about y'all but I've always thought of skulking about on social networking websites as strictly "girl territory." What could this possibly mean? Are boys getting in touch with their feminine side? And if they are, why now?
Big surprise, I have a theory. I suspect that these boys have reached some random pinnacle in their lives when they discover they're no longer full of the old vim and vigor. They're starting to look around and wonder what they missed while they were busy being self-obsessed. If you read the books or watch reality television you probably know this behavior has historically been confined to the stereotypical Mid-Life Crisis - and we're generally comfortable with that. However, if you take a good look around, you'll realize too that it's happening in much younger boys than it used to. Young like 25-30 year olds! Now, somebody please tell me what they could possibly be having a crisis over...
Moving on.
So boys, though I can't help you with your new paunch (hey, step away from the trough), the receding hairline (plugs are never a good idea), or the post-collegiate realization that you ain't actually The Shit (buddy, you never really were - embrace it), I can say that Internet stalking, Ex-Girlfriend Googling, and mysterious posts on social networking sites are not the answer to whatever your damage is. And it's creepy. I can't imagine what you think you're going to get out of it but here are a few heart-felt responses to this activity:
- No, I am not going to be so surprised and excited that I send you naked photos of myself.
- No, I am not going to be so flattered by your sudden attention that I start sneaking about to have Dirty Talk Time with you.
- No, I am not going to be so bowled over by your sweet remembrances of our time together that I meet you for drinks while your wife / girlfriend / mother is away.
- No, I am not going to be so stupid as to think that if "we" meet "you" for dinner that you don't have ulterior motives - most of which you'll try to convey beneath the tablecloth and out of sight of our companions.
What are you up to, Creeps McGreeps? If any of the above applies to your sudden need to contact me, you should just slink away with the knowledge that I'm a suspicious, cynical girl and it's fairly unlikely you'll receive a response from me not laced ridicule.
*shrugs*
Move along, Pal. There's no show here today.
"Spirit move me, every time I'm near you. Whirling like a cyclone in my mind..."
~ Barry Manilow
Don't judge my Barry Manilow lyric recitation. Everyone has an artist they're embarrassed to admit to knowing every lyric to every song said artist ever performed. Besides, I didn't post it as a jumping off place for ridicule - though I am rather in the mood for that. No, I opened with Barry because I miss that feeling. I miss that excitement. I miss the feeling of missing someone when we're apart. I miss the feeling of anticipation!
Some would say it's simply relationship evolution. They'd be right. It is. I've certainly been in enough of them to recognize the signs. In a drunken conversation with a girlfriend recently, she confessed to wishing she was through all of the "excitement" and moving squarely into where I am. In her head, the "security" of marriage is 1000% preferable to the waiting and wondering.
*sigh* *eyeroll*
wtf... It's as if no one even reads me when I type... *shakes head in exasperation*
Even married, you will wait... and wonder... and suspect... and usually you'll be wrong but sometimes you'll be right. The only measurable difference is in the amount of laundry under foot and general disarray in your life.
Oh sure, for some the element of romance will live a lovely married life... for awhile. Frankly, I think marriage is overrated. It's really just a pot commitment and a fuckin' hassle to get out of. Sheer laziness keeps most of them alive. What? You don't want to believe me? Well, you watch too much television.
I think the true test of a relationship is how long you'll do the work to stay together when it's still so easy to walk away. How hard will you work at something that isn't mandatory? I love the idea of being in a relationship with someone who's there because they want to be; not because during a multi-month bender and associated whirlwind of newness, the choice was removed.
I haven't always been cynical on this topic. I used to be a believer in lasting romance, and marriage, and being a part of something bigger than one's self. BA! It's all bullshit perpetuated by glamorous actors appearing in slick programming designed to make you feel so shitty about yourself that you stay secreted away at home watching the television, thus making their sponsors happy and lining everyone's pocket except your own. You go to bed believing that tomorrow is The Day your life is going to become full of joy de vie, flowers and singing birds... but first you need to dash out for that age defying moisturizer, or new Blackberry, or whatever else it is you're lacking that stands between you and your ultimate happiness.
Wow. This is not where I anticipated going when I typed Barry's lyric. Somewhere in this disorganzed wreck of writings, I penned something about romance once. Oh right! It's "Don't Judge..." from March '09. What a difference half of a year makes...
*sighs*
I miss romance...
Super cute, shaggy-haired yoga instructor guy falls out of one-legged chair pose, laughs and says, "it's okay to fall. Balance is a day-to-day thing. Don't worry so much about it!"
Pretty sure when those words left his lips in an effort to cover the fact that he wasn't paying much more attention than the rest of us, he didn't realize what he was saying intinsically, or how it resonated in my head... or why after being incessantly coaxed and harangued to smile through yoga, I finally had a reason to.
My inner bitter skeptic immediately had a question, "is it then okay to assume that unbalance is a day-to-day thing as well?" After all, this could be really good news!
I would have asked out loud except only my dogs would have heard me since I've taken to doing yoga via cable television.
There are several reasons I quit going to an actual yoga class. Time, work, lack of dedication, my endless need to clean stuff, the "air of communal gas" that permeates the yoga studio and leaves me unable to hold poses due to sometimes uncontrollable laughter.
Yes. I laugh when people break wind. I don't care how old or sophisticated you become, it's still just funny. Made even more so by a room full of people doing it. In case you've not had this particular life experience, yoga works the muscles in such a way as to alleviate bodily gases - which is no laughing matter - until I start thinking about marching bands... woodwinds... tubas... an occasional toot from the brass section.
This combined with the fact that those people frown upon my ever-present coffee go-cup and ability to sip while in downward facing dog - well, it was all quite enough for me.
Besides, in my living room there are no witnesses to my day-to-day unbalance... which I've decided is okay even without confirmation from super cute, shaggy-haired yoga instructor guy!
Namaste!
