To My Southern Sisters,
You know that I'm not the kind of girl who adjusts easily to country living. This is the kind of place where going to market is an undertaking; where dinner and a movie is a major excursion that requires actual planning. This is a place where shower shoes are considered acceptable footwear and women leave their homes without lipstick. And I'm not talking about putting it on in the car. I'm telling you that they leave the house without a lipstick! Not even in their pocketbook. Bare lipped! Well now, maybe I'm overstating it. A good number of them do wear Chap-stick...
[Disclaimer: Before some of my Northern Girls get all snarky, I should tell you my Southern Sisters, that I do have a handful of girlfriends who have been on the business end of the Clinique counter… thank the gods.]
I'm a Big City Girl living in a town where when you stop for coffee at the local convenience store, the Chief of Police greets you by name and inquires about your in-laws. It’s very Mayberry-esque, I know. In case you're wondering if the vodka has soaked my brain to the point that I actually believe I’ve moved into a 1950’s television program, you should know that there is a fair share of city-type crime to make me more comfortable in these surroundings! I remember it took 4 of our 6 police officers all summer to get to the bottom of which kid painted graffiti on the back of a mushroom truck two years ago...
I am wont to say to anyone who will listen that it's uncivilized to live like this. Obviously there are people who truly enjoy the "sense of community.” I gotta say the only sense I feel is that of someone's nose constantly shoved up my ass. Go ahead. Just try to enjoy one too many cocktails. Your neighbors will be whispering over the shrubbery that you're a lush by dawn.
*heavy sigh*
I miss the anonymity of living in a big city. Please send lipstick.
No comments:
Post a Comment