Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I Pose This to You....
...dear Reader. How do you react to being hurt by someone you care deeply about? I added the qualifier because we all react differently depending on the person who is causing the big ruckus. For instance, those few people who have actually known me for longer than a minute can all say with the same confidence that I shut down, shut up, and shut off. No, it's not healthy. I know that! But I need a few minutes of privacy in my head to ensure some semblance of civility. Now imagine me if I didn't take those few minutes... hours.... days. Yikes! OK. So comment below, or send me an email at PeaceOutCat2@aol.com for added privacy, though either way, I promise not to reveal my source. In the meantime, I'm going back to work on what I now consider The Blog Topic I Can't Ever Publish, and something else that came to me in the bed last night about sex and golf. Cheers!
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Jana - I have only known you for less than a minute, but your blogs are absolutely outstanding. I am very similar to you and your ways. I shut down and shut myself off to the world so I can "think"...if thats what you want to call it. Its more or less putting myself through misery.... wondering and waiting. There must be a better way about doing things!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great blogs!
I tell my husband everything. That's part of trusting the person you marry. You can say whatever you want without being judged. Even things you wouldn't tell your best friend. I know sometimes he might not agree but at least he understands that everybody deserves their honest opinion because we are all different. He's very accepting of me. That is the best part about being married. I LOVE MY HUSBAND!
ReplyDeleteI am surprised at the number of you who e-mailed me your responses. Thank you very much! As suspected, I'm seeing a trend between both men and women on this topic - which is very interesting! Or... my men are girly-boys! I kid, I kid!
ReplyDeleteI'll leave this up for another day then pull it. Again, feel free to email!
Janice said...anonymous??????? WEll THEN...part strength and part weakness...my heart is on my sleeve..ALWAYS! So, with this in mind...USUALLY if a person I care deeply about hurts me I CRY and don't THINK about it first...the mere thought of the hurt overtakes me because I care so DEEPLY about that person. I tend to think that if you have made it into my CARE DEEPLY area of my heart than you would NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt me...that doesn't always pan out that way...people make mistakes but the hardest thing to accept is someone cutting you to your core...right in the heart and NOT RIGHTING it by making ME feel better...because I WOULD! If someone cared deeply back for me I can't help but think that they would WANT to do this...if they don't the hurt that consumes me is the thought that "Shit...they never really cared for me the same way!"...-and THAT just SUCKS! It is being played for a fool by someone you care deeply about that kills it! As I get eww older I THOUGHT by now I was mature enough to KNOW WHO COULD BE TRUSTED with my heart and feelings...WELL, wasn't I proven wrong...quite a few times actually. After my initial grieving...which can last a LONG time...I usually realize the truth and LET GO of that person who is KILLING ME because I ultimately realize that they are not what they seemed or are no longer what they proposed they were to me. I grow. Sometimes we don't want to let go. Sometimes we have to let go...for we realize that we are worth SOOOO MUCH MORE and it is NOT OK for someone I care deeply about to hurt me. It's not ok. SO...I give many chances for that person to rectify their wrong doings until my heart says ENOUGH and my head convinces my heart to just GET THEM THE *UCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!! At that point, I quietly exit the relationship with what little dignity remains because let's face it...I CRIED full force with snot dripping out of my face for however long it took to realize "I AM ME AND I AM NO LONGER GOING TO ALLOW YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY!" The hurt comes from "if you loved me you would not be able to continually hurt me knowing full well what you are doing to crush me"...and then you realize it one day while you are in the shower and decide the hurt is over.......was that too much?????????
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!
ReplyDeleteNo Janice, that - and you - never too much! I will say that I agree, it's best to just cut loose the people who fuck you over. We all know there will be consequences to this and usually the loss of a few peripheral friendships, but you can't just let history repeat itself over and over, right?
See? You can say "fuck" on my blog!
It truly depends on the person ands what I have grown to know about their heart. If someone I love deeply hurts me, I try to look at them from a distance. Have they always been there for me? Is this just a blip on the radar? What part did I play in this hurt? If I can string out an answer to those questions that makes sense to me, then I can make a decision on whether to cut them loose or give them hell right back. It happens all the time in friendships but if it's becoming a pattern, I'll slowly drop away. I'm not into the dramatics, as you know. Not much of a crier either but it's been known to happen. If I say anymore, I'll be stealing from my forthcoming guest blog. :)
ReplyDeleteJanice - I'm with you. Right now I'm completely and totally with you. I just need to take that long hot shower and decide the hurt is over.....
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your post (and of course - Jana's - that goes without saying). ~Dawn
Good question J...how do I react...it's two fold really. The first thing I ask myself is was the hurt intentional or accidental? This is the big question because intentional hurt means that you have to realize/accept that this type of hurt is premeditated. The word makes me shudder to even type it! This epiphany will drive you to second guess other 'incidents' with said person...not a fun loop to be involved in. The second part of this is a little harder...you have to ask yourself how much are you willing to forgive/forget to keep this person in your life. Love is a very strong weapon and if used correctly can make you move on and realize that you would rather live one more minute with that person that pissed you off than live the rest of your life without them.
ReplyDeleteI love you J!
Part one - It occurs to me that if "unsaid" person has hurt you so deeply then they were never your friend to begin with. If "unsaid" person was truly a friend they would have either not have done this action or continually apologized for being such an ass and bring endless alcohol to soften the blow until you have forgiven them.
ReplyDeletePart two - the peripheral friends - It is likely that "unsaid" friend would probably and unfortunately do something to them as well and they will find out this "unsaid" person's true self in time. It is the chance you have to take to regain your sanity.
Part thee - Would you feel comfortable in just slivering away like nothing ever happened? Would it be better (as hard as it may be) to confront the situation and let "unsaid" friend know that they have hurt you? Maybe "unsaid" friend is so wrapped up in him/herself and they are clueless to the fact that they have even hurt you.
Thanks again to all of you! You may see some of this in the possibly-never-to-be-published blog, as I've come to think of it.
ReplyDeleteAnd Stacy, when have you ever known me to slither away? Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day... *grins*
One last thing to all Readers: wrong is wrong. You know it when you do it. Practice self-control.
xoxo