Toe the Line

The Line (n): a place where everyone involved is on equal footing. Where everyone is pulling their own weight and managing their own responsibility – all the while looking out for the greater good of the unit. It’s the only place where honest communication can take place because all parts involved have the same amount to gain – and more importantly – to lose. We’re not really equal until the weight is equally distributed.

Ugh! All that reminds me, interestingly enough, of something a friend of mine told me once. He said he only cheated on his wife with married women – it keeps things fair and infinitely more safe given that they would both get equally screwed if they got caught.

[sidebar: I wonder why we were friends… obviously more poor judgment on my part – a common phenomenon.]

RANDOM RHETORICAL QUESTION: what’s with the common thread of poor judgment that weaves it’s way through my entire life? I assume my entire life in any case, given the amount of time I’ve spent too fucked up to notice my environs.

OK. Back to the Line.
I feel like I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time ensuring my toes were squarely on the Line. For this I blame my father.

Oddly, I often find myself surrounded by people with absolutely no knowledge of said Line. And I'm baffled. When and where did this overt sense of self-righteous “deserve-ism” begin? Which chromosome, specifically, is the one that allows a person to never see themselves through the eyes of others – only through their own rose-colored glasses? I blame their mothers.

I suspect the reason so few people are willing to even acknowledge the Line, let alone toe it, is fear. Fear of failure; fear of commitment; fear of not being able to just laze around watching television; fear of missing something else infinitely more fun. But ultimately, fear of creating something for which they are responsible – in whole or in part – which circles back to fear of failure; fear of commitment.

Now. Fear. Fear I get. But the few cannot carry the many just to ensure the few maintain their sense of self-esteem by never failing. I fail every day. Every. Single. Day. I hate it and I wish I had some help. Unfortunately, there are many, many things we have to do alone. I’m considering stepping off the Line. I know, it seems an unlikely possibility but since everything else in my life is in flux, why not really shake things up? I’m thinking that since change is coming anyway, why not make those changes Band-aid style? Rip off the old and check for improvement. I could use a solid scab about now…