Bitter? Party of One?

It occurs to me that some of you, my dear friends, are undoubtedly beginning to wonder where your little puddle of misery has gone… the one who crafts these missives… these paragraphs filled with caustic sarcasm. YOUR FRIEND!

Well, I’m not certain of this, so do not start hounding me over every off-color remark, but it’s possible she may not return. The Weeks of the Missing Mia have had a profound impact on my perspective.

Hark! What was that? The sound of people clicking off this page? Who could blame? It’s maudlin and saccharine and all the things I ridicule. Stress or grief can sometimes be an unpleasant mirror. Personally, I shut up, shut down, shut out. Then I very attractively begin to silently accuse, blame, and otherwise project my own bent interpretation of the wrong in progress, in a misguided effort to protect myself or someone else; taking the bullet, if you’ll allow me that dramatic turn of phrase.

As much fodder as my general bitterness provided for conversation and essay – at the end of the day – “words that are bitter make a girl age quicker.” Not being of the “do as I say” ilk and frightened of being construed as such, I’ve embarked on yet another list. For this one I’ve promised to record an entry in every day (ha!). The idea is to write down 10 positive things that happen to me or around me.

Day 1: Five entries.
Day 2: Four entries.
Today is Day 3… apparently I need more practice living outside of my own head because it’s early afternoon and so far, I got nothin’! I just spent the last few minutes standing, sipping my coffee, and staring at this page. I was starting to get worried about the fact that I’m having so much trouble with this new list idea. It occurred to me that perhaps if I enjoyed a cigarette, it would clear the neuro-pathways and I could better process this imaginary issue. Unfortunately, I’ve dedicated myself to practicing discipline lately, so I’m back. Sadly, retelling the last few minutes is all I came up with…

Perhaps your Bitter Friend isn’t completely gone after all… That makes me a little more comfortable, really. My best work comes from that dark place – why am I trying to banish it? Yeah… yeah, this is good. I like this idea.